Friday, October 26, 2012

You're Not A Bad Person For Breaking Up With Him

If every single person married their first boyfriend ever, we’d all be screwed. Think about it. Take a second and think about the first person you dated at 15 or the first person you loved 18. What if you were still with that person? And I know this does happen. And to the people who are still kickin’ it with their high school sweetheart, no this isn’t a stab at you. Hell yeah if you haven’t gotten tired of that person by now. Hell yeah if you got it right the first time around. Hell yeah if you’ve never cheated and they’ve always bought you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday. Good for you.

But the reality of this is that doesn’t happen to most people. Most people have to serial date a few good, bad (or ugly) ones until they find “the one” (which also is a crock of shit. Sorry, but I don’t believe there is one single person that is mutually compatible with another and only that one person alone can make you happy. And if you never find them, you’ll always be alone, with just one straw in your milkshake. No, there is more than one. Sorry for the rant). You have to date, talk, kiss, flirt, lose, cry, break up with and be broken up with.

You’re not a bad person for breaking up with him. It isn’t working! Butterflies in your stomach making your heart flutter? Pshhh, more like dying cockroaches eating away at the number of times you smile a day. Ps: nobody likes cockroaches. Cockroaches don’t even like other cockroaches. You are not a bad person for realizing you deserve someone who gives a shit. Who cares if you promised him tickets to the next big ACC football game next fall. Promises these days are only definite anymore after the promise is followed through – which is sad, but true. But you know, when a guy treats you like crap, people usually applaud you for realizing he’s a dumbass and walking away. What happens if they guy is actually a good guy, but for some rhyme or reason, you’re just not feeling it? Are you a terrible bitch for just not wanting to like Mr. Awesome But Not Awesome For Me?

So you met his family and his friends and they all love you. His mom has already framed and hung that cute family picture where she basically forced you to join in because you are her baby boys new girl and you two are just the cutest together and it haunts you every time you pass it in the hallway going to his room. His sister has already asked you to do her makeup and hair for prom and you’re in her Facebook profile picture. Aww! Ugh. He treats you amazingly, never makes you question, and you almost doubt your own ability to love another human being because you don’t understand why you can’t love this kid back. And you want to break up with him.

I’ll say it again. You are not a bad person for breaking up with him. You either feel it or you don’t. He could be feeling you and him as a couple with every inch of his skin and to the tips of his hair and you just kinda wanna run to Nigeria to get away for a month or seven. Or maybe you felt it at first because he was a breath of fresh air, then realized him not liking lasagna really freaked you out because who the hell doesn’t like lasagna? Freak. Or maybe you’re looking for excuses because you’re just not feeling it.

Walking away from a good guy does not mean you’re a bad person. I mean, have I repeated this enough yet so it sinks in? I wish I had the verbatim you need to break up with this dude, but I don’t. All I’m saying is if you have any doubts about him or continuous thoughts about that move to Nigeria, this relationship isn’t for you. And if you keep going back and forth with it, you don’t want it. When you want it, you want all of it.

Tell him already – he’s probably going to respect you in the long run for not wasting his sweet gestures on you so he can get to finding someone who actually wants him and his non-lasagna eating self and you can get to finding someone who doesn’t make you think of cockroaches. Plus, you make a mean lasagna and I know there is some guy out there who wants to eat all of it. Wait for the feeling where you have to know more about a guy – not one where you have to convince yourself to like. And definitely not one where you don’t know if you want to be with him or not because most of the time not knowing... is knowing all in itself.


@agcrute on twitter

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Be Afraid.

We always tell ourselves “don’t be afraid.” Don’t be afraid to mess up. Don’t be afraid to go out on a date in the quaint coffee shop in the part of town you never visit because you’ve heard the homeless guy will hit on you. Don’t be scared to move across the country when the only interaction you’re guaranteed is the cat in the alley. And he only visits you because you feed him. Don’t be afraid to move on. Don’t be afraid to love again. Don’t be afraid to tell anything or anyone goodbye that doesn’t aid in your wellbeing or happiness. Don’t be afraid to tell someone to shut the hell up at a football game if they’re getting on your nerves. Don’t be afraid to defend yourself if they get pissed.

“Don’t be afraid” is bullshit, really. I’m freakin’ terrified. I’m scared and you’re scared and everybody is scared. I'm scared of love. I'm scared of not being liked. I'm scared of spitting food on a first date and tripping out of the door. So, you wanna go on date number two? I'll try to keep my food in my mouth and maybe wear lower heels. Oopsy! You’re human. In some perfect world, we would be invincible, not impacted by these things or what others thought of us. The rumors your “friend” is spreading, the taunting of a girl who really is insecure herself, the sick feeling in your stomach when you are making a radical life decision – all of these things are supposed to be terrifying. Sweaty palms before a dream job interview, the rush of a first kiss, or even the vulnerability of falling in love again. I could go on and on and on. It will scare you. Let it. We’re not invincible – we’re actually pretty delicate. In a moment, the world can change. You can get a phone call that would bring you to your knees. You could one day decide to leave everything and everyone you’ve ever known to start completely over. Closing of the door. The unknown.

If you say you’re not afraid of life’s unknowns, you’re kidding yourself. The excitement, adrenaline and rush of a feeling is what we strive for – whether or not this decision to date a guy you met in a bar could end in total bliss, or you're crying yourself to sleep. Breakup with the guy then. Whether you make a wrong decision and end up in city you hate. Move somewhere else. The sun always comes up tomorrow. Fall apart. Completely destroying who you are is actually a blessing. It’s a change to rebuild yourself the way you’ve wanted all along. I know this because I've done it.

Being afraid is human. Be afraid. Scare the shit out of yourself. Quit this mediocre nonsense of “don’t be afraid.” Your heart is going to beat out of your chest – that is the point. Start doing more, taking more risks. Tell yourself “I am afraid of this. But, dammit I’m going to do it anyway.”

Live anyway.


@agcrute on twitter

I Remember It All Too Well

It was December 25, 2009. It had snowed the night before making it a white Christmas. I remember I didn’t know what he planned for my Christmas present, but he’d been excited to give this to me since what felt like forever. I got out of his car, the frigid air showing every breath I took, smiling & excited. The night passes with an extravagant dinner with all his mom’s cooking. I always liked her cooking. “Amanda, do you want a glass of wine?” Of course I do. I always asked the question if she minded already knowing she’d picked out my favorite bottle earlier in the day. She reached and grabbed one of those old antique Christmas wine glasses – the ones that are rimmed with brass highlighting the holly that danced around the glass for decoration. How fitting. Everything for every holiday was always so put together.

I am that girl who is always shivering. It could be 75 degrees in the house and I would need a blanket. I sat there on the couch, an excited 21 year old, & opened up coloring books and crayons, cute tops and a purple rain jacket, but I knew that wasn’t it. After cleaning up red and green wrapping paper off the carpet and getting another glass of wine, I went back to my blanket. A slight buzz had kicked in and I wasn’t hating celebrating the holiday at all. It was a lovely evening. He handed me a box and said Merry Christmas. This was it.

I tore through the package and came to a hand written note from him saying there was a scavenger hunt hidden throughout the house and each clue revealed another random letter or odd number. From the couch, to behind the Santa painting the kitchen doorway, to upstairs in his room under his bed, I had revealed more numbers. Although I don’t recall the first three, the final two I’ll never forget. 9 & 10. I won’t reveal the significance of this because I like the secret.

The final clue lead me to the computer room as I had instructions to play the clip already pulled up on the music player. My favorite song started playing. “We were both young when I first saw you. I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I’m standing there…” I looked around the room at him and his family with smiles, awaiting my response. The next clue had me open the drawer. I grabbed the knob with sweaty hands and there sat an envelope with I love you written on the front. The music was building to my favorite part when Taylor starts to sing “Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone…” and I ripped open the back and there sat two tickets to her May, 2010 show, Fearless.

I screamed “Oh my God, we’re going to see Taylor!” and burst into tears of joy and surprise and jumped in his arms. I had been talking about this show for months, but he had told me he couldn’t spend the $350.00 on two silly tickets for some artist. The embrace lasted for, what felt like, years. Time stood still and the seconds melted around us. There was not one person in the room that wasn’t crying.

As the story would have it, half a year later, he and I decided to part ways. Seeing the transformation in myself since then, I know this was best thing that could have happened and I have absolutely no regrets for myself or for him. My life is drastically different in ways that if someone would have told me about it years ago, I would’ve responded with puzzled eyes. I’m a believer in those that come together and fall apart to learn lessons for future years. I was skeptical about blogging about this for it running the chance of wrong intentions. But, I think we all have the one memory that sticks out above the rest. We all reminisce to times that warm our heart and I think it's normal. And my good Lord, I don't think it signifys that you miss the past. That's the thing about the past - it's shaped you into who you are. If anything, it's something to be proud of.

My heart reminds me every day of how beautiful life is and how one thing truly does lead you to another and to bliss and happiness. Even though, I know with every part of me, I ended up where I needed to be and so did he, this is my one memory. It is one of my favorite memories of all time. Whenever it crosses my mind, I smile.

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well.


@agcrute on twitter

Monday, October 22, 2012

Dear Future Boyfriend:

I wonder what you're doing right now. I don't wonder this in a creepy way - I think it's more so in an intrigued way. I wonder if you'll like my cooking. Most of the time, I can get it right you know, pancakes are my specialty. Pancakes and lasagna, not necessarily together. Sometimes I'll wing the hell out of it, mixing a ton of spices making Lord knows what; whatever is in the pantry. Sometimes I'll completely eff it up and we'll have to order pizza. I kinda hope you'll laugh at me when that happens and say "I wanted to buy us Papa Johns tonight anyway, babe."

I hope you'll love my insecurities. I promise you I will love you for that. I hope you'll listen to my story of why I am the way I am and I hope you'll tell me the story that explains why you are the way you are. I hope you'll promise to love me when I don't love myself. I hope when I say I'm not having a good makeup night, you'll tell me I'm beautiful and when I feel I'm just having a freakin' fat day, you'll shut the hell up because there is no good, genuine, true comeback for that. Love me and my fat jeans.

Be faithful to me. I don't want to worry about anything related to how your heart feels about me. It takes a lot for me to commit these days, so if I commit to you, I'll deem you worthy. I won't mess that up. I hope you'll deem me worthy as well. I hope you're a big sports fan too. I can be the "yeller at the TV" for the both of us if you want - I get into it. I will not want you to "shush" me. I'll want you to giggle to yourself and think it's cute that I just cussed out an electronic  black rectangle box mounted on the wall; at a coach who will never hear me. Better yet, I hope you're yelling too.

I want to love your parents. I want you to love mine.

Sometimes I think about you. Sometimes I wonder if I've already passed you on the street, or stood beside you in the Target line when I was buying something random like toothpaste, a space heater, and a Dr. Pepper. Sometimes I wonder if I won't meet you for another year... or if I'll meet you tomorrow. Or even if I met you 7 months ago. I replay these ideas I want to do for you in my head. When I pour my morning cup of black coffee, I think about pouring yours too. I wonder the silliest things like if you would want 1 scoop of sugar or 3. I promise I will remember these things; these small, intricate details about you.

Don't break my heart. Don't promise me broken promises.

If we run into your ex-girlfriend at the bar, I hope you know I'll be respectful. Unless she comes up to us with mascara streaming down her face begging for you back. We'll cross that bridge if we get there. And if we ever run into any of my ex's, I want you to know you are the one I will be happy I walked away and continued my day with. Oh, and I want to be silly. I need you to be cool with taking ugly pictures on my iPhone and laughing at them later. I want to make ghetto grilled cheese sandwiches in the microwave at midnight and sleep late on Saturday's until the sun's rays awake us through the drawn curtains. We can make Fruit Loops - two bowls, two spoons. I like my own bowl.

I want to be your only, but I also want you to want me to be your only. I want there to be a reason you begin your day with me on your mind and end it just the same. I want you to do all of the above because I will do all of the above for you.


A thousand times over.


@agcrute on twitter

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Sorry, But I'm Breaking Up With You

To the friends who talked about me behind my back: Who needs you? I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies and frankly, you're just a copper penny. I would toss your ass into the well and not even make a wish. They say if they talk about others to you, then they talk about you to others - and you do alot of talking. Actually, if you ran as much as your mouth, you'd probably be a lot skinnier. Stop using my mishaps as a topic of your conversation. I'm just going to break up with you because honestly, you can't be happy with your own life if you center your time trying to bring mine down. I just feel sorry for you. See ya neva!

To Taco Bell: 3 words. Cheesy Gordita Crunch. I could go into quite the detail of this fantastic taco hallelujah amen masterpiece. Some people don't even believe this is real meat, but you know what? My drunk self at 2:30am doesn't really give a flying flip. Heck, my sober self at 6:30pm only cares about 1/4 of that. I'm not ashamed. Judge me! However, my 24 year old metabolism isn't quite what it was at 17. And considering I need to keep my 17 year old body, Taco B - I love you all, but we can't be together anymore.

To the job I hated: I spent 40 plus hours a week with you. I go out the night before, just trying to have fun with my friends and want to shoot my left toe off the next morning when my alarm rings at 7am because I have to get ready for YOU. I'll be damned if I can't wear sweatpants into the office because that would seem unprofessional.  According to Drake, that look is in! "Sweatpants, hair tied, chillin' with no make up on, that's when you're the prettiest, I hope that you don't take it wrong." ... See! He thinks its a good idea but nooooo not you. You suck all my energy out with your demands, your endless phone-ringing, your on-going emails, and your walk in appointments. I now have found a job I love so to the old one, guess what? I'm done. We're over.

To the feeling of wanting a boyfriend: You know, I'm kinda happy. Really happy actually and I don't really know that I want a boyfriend right now. I kinda like not having to check in with somebody, text them all day drowning my phone battery because then I can't update my Instagram with my cool dinner pic. I also like not having to say "sorry I'm seeing someone" to the hottie who asked me out on a PF Changes dinner & wine, or feeling guilty when someone buys me a Vodka Tonic. #bringonthosedrinksbaby - yes I just hashtagged in a blog which doesn't do anything at all. The only time I really would like a boyfriend is when I'm sick or when I need help carrying in my groceries because we all know going back to the car for a second load is almost worse than the first 45 minutes of a hangover. So peace out on that feeling. This chick is perfectly fine feelin' like a star, you can't stop my shineeee, I'm ridin' solo! Dueces.

To never saying no: There's a part of me I don't always let everyone see and I'm going to stop hiding it. I don't have to please everyone. I don't always have to say yes when I really want to say no. NO. CAPITAL N CAPITAL O. No. People say no to me, so why in the world am I so afraid to say it back? Some people use this against me but guessssssss what! I'm breaking up with that shiz. When you say yes to others, make sure you aren't saying no to yourself.

To Oreos at midnight: You gotta go. I love you but your black crumbs are starting to leave a mark on my white and gray comforter. Bye.

The the guy I'm not dating, but just "talking" to: This may be a step fast-forward a bit, considering we aren't dating. And no, I'm not a psycho, but I'm little bit over your games. Plus, I met a super cool guy last night who I drunk texted "I had fun with you tonight. You were lots of fun" and he still liked me and my drunk weirdness. We have a date next week. So, we're no longer talking. Sorry, but I'm breaking up with you.


twitter: @agcrute

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I Couldn't Date You

You did everything right that night in October. Texting me the night we met with a simple "It was nice to meet you tonight, sweetheart." You didn't come on too strong. You didn't try to come home with me or have me come home with you. You didn't wait three days to text me again so we would play the "who will text who first" stupid game guys like to play. But I couldn't date you.

You were really attractive too. Please don't think this whole "me not being able to commit" has anything to do with your looks. Trust me, it didn't. I could've climbed you like a tree. Eventually, I did. But I couldn't date you.

You asked me to go do something fun with you that following day because you didn't want to wait until the weekend to see me. Whatever in the world I wanted to do. Dinner? Movies? Bowling? Rock climbing? Shit, you liked me so much, I believe I could've said let's fly to Spain and you would've already had the tickets bought. I picked the movies because that's the least interactive. I was nervous. You paid for mine and even got me popcorn, & a drink. But I couldn't date you.

After the movie, we went and got milkshakes from Cookout. I was determined to make this seem more of a friendly outing so I insisted on paying for our milkshakes with my card since you paid for the movies. You took it from me and handed the cashier your own. You didn't know how nice that was, but I did. I smiled. That was a fun night. But I couldn't date you.

You drove me home and walked me to my door. You didn't even ask to come in to "hang out." You gave me a kiss on my lips and asked could you see me again. I blushed. I was internally fighting a battle. One that I knew I wanted to see you again because I knew how good of a guy you were but the other part of me wanted to run. Run from you. I wouldn't let you destroy me and that wall I had built around my heart, even though I knew if I would've let my guard down, it would've been so easy. So easy to give myself to you. But I couldn't date you.

Four months, one big trip together, meeting all your friends and family, Thanksgiving and 3 Christmas presents later, I knew I was kidding myself. I was leading you on. You could cuddle up to me or sit on the other side of the couch, it was like I couldn't care less either way. It was New Years Eve. I had went and bought a beautiful cocktail dress, straightened my hair and applied my makeup. I opened the door and you took a deep breath in and said "Wow." I'll never forget the party we went to. I ignored you and I'm sorry. The clock counted down and all the couples around us were so excited to begin the new year with a kiss. But not me. I didn't want to kiss you at all. I knew right then you deserved better. I couldn't date you.

The whole line "it's not you, it's me" is usually a crock of shit, but really it was true this time. You were great. Thank you for being so great. Everyone told me I was an idiot. Everyone told me to go for it. But what everyone didn't know was very simple: my heart just wasn't ready. I'm sorry, but I just couldn't date you.


twitter: @agcrute

Monday, October 15, 2012

Loving Someone Who Doesn't Exist

It’s easy when you’re lonely to think of the times you weren’t. The memories stream back in your mind like wildfire running through a dry forest in the late summer. Streaming, flooding back to you, comforting for a second, but hurting for days. You think back to times you laughed so hard, partied until 4am, slept in late cuddling, throwing birthday get-togethers, attending concerts, sweet gestures, and the times you cried happy tears because you had no idea love could be that strong.

But all that’s no good.

You were probably thinkng this post was about loving the perfect guy who will never exist. The one who doesn't ever look at other girls, and only has eyes for you. But guys are guys. That's the thing with love - you see a person perfectly. You see past their flaws and only what good they bring - even after the relationship is over. It happens quite frequently with guys and girls. Day by day, you go in and out of the same routine, going to class or to work, seeing the same people, eating at that cafĂ©, laughing at that same teacher who just doesn’t seem to have it all together. Day by day, it’s all the same and then out of nowhere, everything’s different. You’re listening to different music, going to different parties, and meeting different guys. And so is he. You see him smoking cigarettes and think of how he always hated cigarettes. You find yourself traveling to cities, moving to a different city that you never thought you’d have the nerve to. You see yourself being attracted to guys who are little more rough around the edges when you’ve always been into clean cut boys. Time changes us in ways we aren’t aware until we compare them with who we used to be – and that’s not always a bad thing to compare yourself to. The earth moves, seasons shift, the look outside your window changes as the years go by. I think it’s signifies we are supposed to alter ourselves too.

You’re not the person he loved. He’s not the person you loved. They are gone, they are broken. I read somewhere before that no matter how much mayonnaise you put in it, you can’t make chicken salad out of chicken shit. We learned from an earlier blog, that you heart can love someone and not want to be with them. So as a matter of fact, you love someone who doesn’t exist. That is normal. The memories you have tied to that person could never be recreated because when you loved them, they were someone completely different. There’s a good chance this new person they’ve become, you wouldn’t like and no matter how hard you try to recreate what you used to have – there’s a chance it’s completely hopeless. There’s also a greater chance the person you’ve became, he wouldn’t like either. This isn’t sad – this is growth. There are people you are meant to fall in love with, but not be with forever. You have to have your heart broken. You have feel wounded so you can change. You have to love someone who doesn’t exist.

Keep the memories, but don’t dwell in them – begging them to keep you back in time. Cherish them, but face forward and move on to better days. You will experience a greater love and maybe even another greater heartbreak. There are a million kinds of love in this world - never, ever the same love twice. That’s the exciting thing, its unpredictable. You’ll see something on Facebook that used to piss you off, but then there will be that beautiful day in August, when you see it and keep on scrolling. Wait for that day. Create that day. On the days you’re tempted to look back, I think it’s okay. It’s okay to remind yourself of where you’ve been. But always keep in your mind where you are, and most importantly where it is that you are going. The best thing about memories is that they never change – even if the people in them… do.


“I wouldn’t be who I am today, if not for those I’ve loved along the way.” –ec.

twitter: @agcrute

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

John 13:7

Alarm blares at 8:42am. No. I can’t get out of this bed – I feel sick to my stomach. I can’t go to class today. The sun is streaming through the blinds lighting up the mascara and tear stained pillowcase. There’s a pile of clean laundry that has been sitting in that corner for about 4 days now because I haven’t had the urge or energy to clean it up. Last night, I laid on the bathroom floor & got sick because I heard he took some chick to the movies. It’s only been 2 months since we’ve split. How could he be ready? How in the world have I vanished from his mind this fast?

Has that ever happened to you? Your life crumbles beneath you and everything you once planned just goes away. One day you can’t even picture living your life without someone and the next day you find you’re doing just that. You may not know this now but you can turn this around. When it happened to me, I turned to my faith. One of the first verses I found jumped out at me and to this day, still rings true in my head. I hope it pops out at you:

“And Jesus replied, you do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” John 13:7

How powerful. When I saw this one, something inside me snapped. I realized I had power over this situation. You have the power to delete his number, delete his facebook, unfollow his twitter, delete all the pictures. You have the ability. Why aren’t you using it? You and you alone are the only one who is allowing this to still have a hold over your heart, over your mind. He’s still in your mind because you allow him to be. You still replay that favorite memory at Christmas time because you allow it to replay. You cry at that song because you allow it to come on your iPod.  You text him because you think you don’t have the ability to say no. WAKE UP – you’re wrong. You call him back at 2am, you text the “I miss you” texts in moments of desperation, it’s your fault. You have the power to do it right now. What’s stopping you from deleting his number, those thoughts and moving on with your life right now?  

God changes your life & you don’t always understand what that reason is when it happens. You question Him like why are you doing this to me? I AM HURTING. … Maybe you’ll know a week later, maybe 2 years later. But just like that Bible verse above states, you’ll see. Maybe he’s not the man you will marry, or maybe you have a few things to learn before you settle down. Maybe your career is in another state, or maybe your destiny is tied to another city. All of these things can’t happen if you hold onto him.

God removes people from your life for a reason. Think long and hard before running after them.


Sunday, October 7, 2012

I Didn't Think Of You.

I woke up today and it was storming. I didn't think of you. The dog was snuggled up next to me doing that funny kick thing she does with her leg, kinda like the same flinch you would always do. I didn't think of you. The storm was bad - I mean booming thunder and lightning at 7am! I was scared. I called my best friend and she said it was storming where she was at too. I didn't think of you.

It was a friends birthday today. I put on those pair of jeans you always loved and slipped on the pair of closed toe shoes you got me for Christmas that time because it was a little cold out. I didn't think of you. We went to this quiet little irish bar with dark green painted walls. I ordered the hummus. Green was your favorite color. I didn't think of you. We ordered mimosas and the girl next to me accidentally spilled hers all over the table, but I wasn't reminded of that time I tipped over my glass of champagne on our third date. I wasn't reminded at all. I didn't think of you.

I came home, washed my face, and went for a jog. I passed by a cute couple walking their black lab. His tail was wagging and his eyes, smiling. It was so strange because he looked just like your dog. But even though I knew that, I still didn't think of you. I finished the 2 mile run feeling refreshed and poured myself a tall glass of milk. You thought it was weird I loved milk. I drank it and put the glass in the dishwasher. I didn't think of you. The remaining part of the day was spent in my thoughts about what to plan for my family for Thanksgiving and presents for Christmas. I always made you really creative presents. But even then, I didn't think of you.

I climbed into bed and it was storming again. My heart was eased. I said my prayers and pulled up the covers - thankful for this life. Thankful for where I've been lead. Thankful for who I am. Then it finally hit me:

The only time I thought of you today was when I realized I hadn't thought about you at all.


Saturday, October 6, 2012

Who I Am

I will still post my tweets. I will still blog from this blog. Some of these blogs/tweets I can relate to and some of them are from emails I get from you, my followers. In case you didn't know, I get emails from you all asking to blog/tweet about specific topics and/or situations. That is where some of the blogs come from. This site is solely for entertainment purposes. In no way, shape or form does my name being attached to what I post on this twitter website mean these blogs/tweets are about certain people in my personal life or even about my personal life at all. Some can be about my life, some are to talk about your situations, and some are completely made up. Let's just get that clear.

This is all about inspiration. This blog has changed really even who I am and how I think about things. Someone emailed me saying she was in the hospital with an illness and spent her time reading my tweets and my blog posts and wanted to personally email me to thank me for the inspiration - I helped her during her illness. Countless other people have said similar things to me. To a stranger - someone they don't even know saying how inspirational they found me to be. Do you know how much of an impact that has on a person to hear that? It's amazing.

Thank you for following.

I'm Amanda. I'm 24. I'm happy. I'm a princess and so are you.


13 Things I'm So Over

1. Heels. Okay I know. I feel like such a non girl for saying this. Don't get me wrong, I definitely have my pair of heels that goes with everything and I know how they make my legs look amazing. But you know what? Sometimes they're so damn uncomfortable and I'm standing there in the bar and owwww my feet and ugh I just wanna take them off. Not to mention how tall they make me. I'm 5'8" and that's kinda tall for a girl. 4 inch heels make me 6 foot. Sometimes it's awkward.

2. Being 6 foot in heels. I know number 2 is a branch off of number 1. But being a tall girl is difficult. I'm 6 foot in my heels! Any guy that I can entertain has to be at least 6'2". I'M TIRED OF BEING THE SIX FOOT TALL CHICK.

3. Eating late night. It's bad for my body. It's fast food. I like Taco Bell so sure but every time I drink, my body is like yep. You need to go to McDonalds.

4. People hating on Taylor Swift. Dude, she's my girl. She's my lifeline and has gotten me through more shit that most people have. Get off of her. She's a lyrical genius.

5. Guys that talk to you just to hook up with you. I'm a good girl. I'm classy. I don't just go home with any guy I meet at a bar. But nothing aggravates me more than talking to some guy and carrying on a conversation and have him seem interested and then the next line is "so hey yeah you wanna come over?" No bitch I don't. I mean yeah I do but Nelly Furtado said it best: "You expect me to just let you hit it but would you still respect me if you did it?" ....yeah. Would ya?

6. Cold weather. Seriously we can't wear cute dresses during cold weather. Cold weather blows.

7. You texting me. Yeah you. You do it when it's convenient for you and when you're lonely and then proceed to act hard and that I mean nothing to you afterward. Your act only works for just a little while and I'm sorry to break it to ya doll, but you're fooling no one. We all know.

8. Monday's.

9. Not remembering my name. The first thing you do when you meet someone is introduce yourself. HEY MY NAME IS ....... You need to remember that shit. You remember everything else about me, flirt and act cute but then when I leave you awkwardly say "So yeah! Great talk. Wait, what's your name?" Ultimate turnoff.

10. Being interrrupted. I can't stand this.

11. Guys buying me drinks just to talk to me. Cool thanks for the beer, but I can afford this myself. You should've just said hi.

12. The girl at the bar being pissed when you shove her after she's been bumping into you all night. Bitch no. You're sloppy drunk. We all have those nights but I'm not putting up with your intolerant self. Get yourself together. Get some water. Get away.

13. 2am. I'm tired. Enjoy.


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Shortest, Best Thing You Will Read Today

Look at you. You're young. You're scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring about what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud as fuck and dance to it. Go out for a drive at midnight and forget you have work the next day. Stop waiting for Friday. Live now. Do it now. Take risks. Tell secrets. This is your life. Are you who you want to be?


Tuesday, October 2, 2012

A Letter To The Girls Who Steal Boyfriends

You know, I really don't like you. I didn't like you the moment you walked in the door and put your eyes on him. You looked at him up and down and you knew what you wanted. You watch his eyes dance over me time after time, weekend party after weekend party. Every time we said "I love you" you wanted to just pry that apart. Every party: "Hey can I get you a drink?" with a wink. How cute of you. You hated that he loved me. And the saddest fact of all is it was just a game to you. You toyed and played and laughing and flirted not only in front of me, but behind my back. You little .. let's save the word I wanna use. (By the way, it's bitch.) How dare you? How dare you come onto him? I have despised you ever since.

Until I got over it. Now I just feel sorry for you. I spent so long, so long, being mad at you and I kinda forgot I should be mad at him too. If that didn't happen, if you weren't such a whore, if none of it ever happened, my life would not be what it is now. If I had stuck to plans of marriage, kids, acting old before I was old, it would all be different. In all of this though, I am the one who came out on top. Maybe now that I have a clear mindset, I should thank you. You saved me. I still don't really like you, but thank you.
Suck it.


If you have ever had a girlfriend come onto your boyfriend, be smart about it. I know you want to hit her. I know you want to tell her what you think. But it's true, it takes two to tango. And if your boyfriend ever loved you at the end of the relationship, her tandalizing games would be irrelevant. He would see right through her games and come straight to your arms only. That's what you do when you love someone. Your boyfriend will think other girls are hot. And if you don't believe that, you're crazy. It inevitable and human nature. You know you've seen another guy and thought "Daaaamn." Please. It doesn't mean you love your boyfriend less. You're human! But the difference is when he takes a good, hard look at you, and her. Think "sure. she's hot. but my girl is amazing. and i love her." And simply goes on about his day.

The girls who come onto guys with girlfriends are just as pathetic and attention seeking as the guys who fall for these girls. And if you are one of those girls reading this, taking pride in your "homewrecking" capabilities, you really need to get a hold of yourself. Just because you can't get a guy on your own, doesn't mean you should go tempting one who is committed. Find a guy who will notice these girls, appreciate their looks, but knows what he has in you. Find one that simply just goes on about his day.


ps. Real men can't be stolen.