Friday, October 26, 2012

You're Not A Bad Person For Breaking Up With Him

If every single person married their first boyfriend ever, we’d all be screwed. Think about it. Take a second and think about the first person you dated at 15 or the first person you loved 18. What if you were still with that person? And I know this does happen. And to the people who are still kickin’ it with their high school sweetheart, no this isn’t a stab at you. Hell yeah if you haven’t gotten tired of that person by now. Hell yeah if you got it right the first time around. Hell yeah if you’ve never cheated and they’ve always bought you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday. Good for you.

But the reality of this is that doesn’t happen to most people. Most people have to serial date a few good, bad (or ugly) ones until they find “the one” (which also is a crock of shit. Sorry, but I don’t believe there is one single person that is mutually compatible with another and only that one person alone can make you happy. And if you never find them, you’ll always be alone, with just one straw in your milkshake. No, there is more than one. Sorry for the rant). You have to date, talk, kiss, flirt, lose, cry, break up with and be broken up with.

You’re not a bad person for breaking up with him. It isn’t working! Butterflies in your stomach making your heart flutter? Pshhh, more like dying cockroaches eating away at the number of times you smile a day. Ps: nobody likes cockroaches. Cockroaches don’t even like other cockroaches. You are not a bad person for realizing you deserve someone who gives a shit. Who cares if you promised him tickets to the next big ACC football game next fall. Promises these days are only definite anymore after the promise is followed through – which is sad, but true. But you know, when a guy treats you like crap, people usually applaud you for realizing he’s a dumbass and walking away. What happens if they guy is actually a good guy, but for some rhyme or reason, you’re just not feeling it? Are you a terrible bitch for just not wanting to like Mr. Awesome But Not Awesome For Me?

So you met his family and his friends and they all love you. His mom has already framed and hung that cute family picture where she basically forced you to join in because you are her baby boys new girl and you two are just the cutest together and it haunts you every time you pass it in the hallway going to his room. His sister has already asked you to do her makeup and hair for prom and you’re in her Facebook profile picture. Aww! Ugh. He treats you amazingly, never makes you question, and you almost doubt your own ability to love another human being because you don’t understand why you can’t love this kid back. And you want to break up with him.

I’ll say it again. You are not a bad person for breaking up with him. You either feel it or you don’t. He could be feeling you and him as a couple with every inch of his skin and to the tips of his hair and you just kinda wanna run to Nigeria to get away for a month or seven. Or maybe you felt it at first because he was a breath of fresh air, then realized him not liking lasagna really freaked you out because who the hell doesn’t like lasagna? Freak. Or maybe you’re looking for excuses because you’re just not feeling it.

Walking away from a good guy does not mean you’re a bad person. I mean, have I repeated this enough yet so it sinks in? I wish I had the verbatim you need to break up with this dude, but I don’t. All I’m saying is if you have any doubts about him or continuous thoughts about that move to Nigeria, this relationship isn’t for you. And if you keep going back and forth with it, you don’t want it. When you want it, you want all of it.

Tell him already – he’s probably going to respect you in the long run for not wasting his sweet gestures on you so he can get to finding someone who actually wants him and his non-lasagna eating self and you can get to finding someone who doesn’t make you think of cockroaches. Plus, you make a mean lasagna and I know there is some guy out there who wants to eat all of it. Wait for the feeling where you have to know more about a guy – not one where you have to convince yourself to like. And definitely not one where you don’t know if you want to be with him or not because most of the time not knowing... is knowing all in itself.


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