High school love.
You think it will last forever. He’s your first kiss. Your first kiss with tongue (whaaaaaaat?!). He’s the first one to hold your hand and the first one to take you to the movies. You bury your head in his shoulder when the scary scene comes on. He’s the first one to give you a huge stuffed bear on Valentine’s Day and who gives you that pretty heart strung on a white gold chain for Christmas. He’s the first time your hear “I Love You” even though you have no idea what the hell that means. And he’s the first one you say it back to even though he has no idea what the hell that means either. He’s the first sip of wine, the first taste of champagne, the first New Year’s kiss, and the first prick of sting when it’s over. He stays your friend and the two of you reminisce years later of the fun times you shared. He’s a distant shadow, a happy memory laid in the back stream of your mind.
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Your first true love.
Your first love is unforgettable.
I believe it’s supposed to be that way. Your first love is the one who gets all of you- every piece of your naïve heart. This love makes your heart skip a beat every time their fingers intertwine with yours. The moment you give them all of you for the first time is time stamped in your memory. There are no scars, no cuts, no baggage, and no fears. Your first love is thrilling. It’s the first time your heart jumps head over heels off a cliff praying to grow wings on the way down. It’s the one you don’t forget; the one who changes your life; and the one you forever love all your life. When replaying stories of your past, your mind often drifts to this person first and the bliss you shared developing love in ways you didn’t know could exist. This love is red. This love burns forever, long after you stop wanting to be theirs. You genuinely wish this person happiness. This is the one you’re always curious who they’ll end up with and if she will be anything like you. This is the most vulnerable love and when this love ends, a part of you does too. When this love ends, you’ll never, ever be the same.
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The fake love:
This is usually the love that follows your first true love. You’re used to the comfort and feeling of another warm body next to yours. You desperately wander hopelessly into this relationship looking to create the same closeness and security you received for so long before. You try to recreate the same memories and get frustrated when they don’t like the same things as your first love. He loved cheese pizza – this new guy is lactose intolerant. He loved football – this guy doesn’t know the difference between a first down and a fourth down. You stay with this guy for a short amount of time before your realize you’re kidding yourself. This love isn’t a love at all.
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The love that doesn’t want you.
This one is self-explanatory. If he’s not into you, he’s not loving you. Recognize the signs. Keep it moving.
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The lasting love:
All of the previous loves in your life have prepared you and your heart for this moment, this second. All of your tears, the nights you spent praying for a sign, the frustrations, the jerks – all of that has lead up to this. This is the love you approach with caution. You’ve been burned before & you have scars. It’s going to take a hell of a person to gain your trust again. This is the love you approach carefully. They’re probably doing the same with you. They’ve probably been torn apart before you. Be patient with this love as you would want their patience with you. This person will love every bit of you, flaws and all. They will love how your snort when you laugh, how the most fancy you get with cooking is boiling water, or how your socks never match. This person will be happy for all you’ve been through because it lead you to them. This love is the everlasting. This love is the beautiful one.
“Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people’s sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes.”
You can’t fake love. You can’t stop loving someone in a day. Love doesn’t magically disappear from your life, even after the person does. I’ve learned you can’t create love where it doesn’t exist.
...nor deny it where it truly does.
xo,
-A
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