Thursday, November 1, 2012

Dear Me:

Dear Me at 5: Don’t fight with your brother so much. You don’t know this now, but that kid will grow up to protect you and bash the name of every boy that tries to hurt you. He may be the baby of the family, and okay maybe he was a cuter baby than you were, but don’t take him for granted. Don’t envy him. There will come a time when you’re older when you’ll move away – just an hour and half at first and he’ll grow and grow to the point where you’ll have to look up to him to see his face as he towers over your 5’8” frame. You don’t know this either, but even later in life, you’ll move 3 hours away from him and only see him once every couple of months. He’ll grow faster than ever and you’ll miss precious moments in time you can never get back.

Dear Me at 12: Stop trying to fit in. I know you feel like your American Eagle jeans and Abercrombie top make you “cool” but honestly they’re just clothes. You could get 3 tops at Target for the price of that one. You’ll eventually learn this. You will eventually loooooove some Target. The moose on that shirt doesn’t make you more popular. And ps: neither does that Robin’s Egg Blue eye shadow. If anything, that eye shadow alone probably aided in your “singleness” until the age of 15.

Dear Me at 14: He doesn’t like you. He won’t ever like you. It doesn’t matter how many stars you wished on, wrote entries about how he “flirted” with you in class, or pennies you threw in the well hoping to be his. He just doesn’t like you. Don’t waste 8 months “loving” him. You don’t even know what love is at 14 silly! By the way: he ends up serving time in jail and later has 2 kids, two different mothers. Bullet = dodged.

Dear Me at 15: Your very first kiss ever in your driveway in that car. Yikes. I promise you’ll get better at it and I promise you’ll grow to really like doing that even though right now you’re sorta kinda scared. It’s okay – you’ll meet girls who didn’t get kissed until 17. You’re still cool.

Dear Me at 16 – Your first broken heart. You’ll pull through. You’re 16. You still have no idea what “love” is. Don’t write that stupid letter confessing your heart and don’t find him in the hallway and demand an answer. There will be a day you’ll cry your eyes out in your car outside of your favorite coffee shop over it when you found he had a new girlfriend and one of your closest girlfriends will call your mom because you are in no position to drive. Take the advice she gives you: You will break hearts of your own, Amanda and your heart will break probably a few more times. You will be okay. Guess what? You’ll be better than okay.

Dear Me at 18 – I'm glad you had the strength to walk away from that guy. You needed these hard past two years with what happened. It will forever define you and what you think of yourself. But the strength you gained from that alone is empowering. That’s all I’ll say about these two years.

Dear Me at 19 – Jump head first into this new relationship. You need this experience.

Dear Me at 20 – Go visit your grandma more. There will come a day when she’s no longer here with you. You can’t ask her to braid your hair or have her fix you a grilled cheese anymore. She will pass away in 2008 while you’re away at school and you spend every day thereafter wishing you went and spent time with her instead of going out with your friends. You will always, always regret this.

Dear Me at 22 – Let go of that love a lot sooner. It will free you. Other than that, do exactly as you think you should because these next two years of your life will be the most self-changing, self-defining, self-growing, self-learning, independent years of your life. Don’t change a thing. There will be times you wish you could go back, and times that you will, but I promise you, if you hold on, you'll see why the hardest experience will turn into the best thing to happen to you.

Dear Me at 23 - Jump even faster head first at the chance to leave that town, leave those memories, and even leave some of those people to begin your new life, your real destiny. Be afraid – but do it anyway.

Dear Me at 24 – Hi. I’m proud of who you have been, who you are today, and who you will be tomorrow.

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