Monday, November 12, 2012

She Let Go.

The sun rose the exact same way this morning. The bed didn’t seem as empty for some reason. It was warm and plush and comfortable. Today was no special day, really. Time ticked away the seconds of the day just like it does every hour, every minute. She brushed her teeth with that same toothbrush, applied mascara and Chapstick, and threw on one of her favorite tops, jeans and boots. Today was slightly chilly so one of her scarves hung delicately around her neck. She checked her appearance in the bathroom mirror and glanced over at his toothbrush that sat beside hers. She didn’t think twice about it and just tossed it in the trash. Her first class was at 11am and just like every Monday, she left 15 minutes early to snag a Venti Starbucks on the way to campus. In the back seat of her car, she noticed that old t-shirt that still smelled like him. She placed it in the dumpster that sat in the Starbucks parking lot on the corner of Fourth Street & Tavern Road. She had lunch with the same girlfriends in her major and didn’t mention the battle she’d been fighting. Didn’t mention it at all. She went to Harris Teeter to pick up some groceries for dinner and for once didn’t have to spend the extra $14.00 on shrimp. She hates shrimp. She cooked it anyway - so many times before to suffice someone else. But, not this time. She went and got a pedicure. She got OPI’s Russian Navy on her toes even though she was told so many times Russian Navy was a gothic color and he preferred pink. Her favorite television show came on tonight and the ESPN channel was nowhere to be found. It was just like any other day.

But today, she let go.

No one honored the success. No one threw her a party and there were no congratulations from her friends. There was no wine or ice cream and no one said they were pleased or proud or happy for her. There were no deep thoughts or words. She didn’t tell him; she just let go. She didn’t second guess it. She let go of the intentions, she let go of trying to fix it, fix him. She let go of their future plans and their future problems. She didn’t search for articles on the steps to letting go. She didn’t retrace her steps to see what she could have, should have changed. She didn’t ask her best friend what she would do in this situation. Bells didn’t sound, whistles didn’t ring and there were no fireworks.  She didn’t worry what he would think. She didn’t worry about what she would think. She didn’t write about it or make a public service announcement. She didn’t tell anyone. There was no definite time stamp or documentation or definite, clear moment.

In every bit of the normalcy, in all of its entirety, she just let go. It didn’t hold her back today. And she’s got one hell of a strong feeling that it will not tomorrow, either.


follow me on twitter: @agcrute