Monday, November 26, 2012

When He Doesn't Call

When you like a guy, you get excited. I'm talking the giddy, shaky, holy cow bells I'm going to throw up, excitement when he asks you out on that first date. He swings by in this hot car, opens your door, and wisks you off to a fancy dinner filled with pastas and steak and wine. He takes you home, plants a kiss on your lips and says he will call you later. ...but he doesn't call you later.  Like what did you do? You didn't find broccoli in your teeth in the bathroom. You didn't slip on the entrance rug. You didn't scream holy terror when the waiter knocked over your sweet tea. You even offered to pay for your own meal! Miss I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. Clearly, he doesn't know what that means.

It was literally so perfect that you think this kid just must have fainted off into a deep coma while driving and landed up in the middle of some pond and you need to start calling all local hospitals to make sure he's still alive. Because this was just so perfect that there's no way in hell this guy isn't calling. Turns out, there's a 1 out of 9,482,323,235.07 chance that he really did faint and is shacked up in some hospital bed. But odds are... that didn't happen. Odds are he was faking it.  

I know he acted perfect and I know you're left replaying the entire night, retracing your words and analyzing his every sentence - even going as far as breaking down the structure searching for some answer, some clue to help you with this madness. But stop. He doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Unless you're just a complete prick, no guy walks around stomping on hearts of women for fun. Actually, I know a few. But that's a whooooole other ball game. He didn't call because he didn't want to.

His phone still works. It's not floating in the bottom of some pond. He didn't go over his texting limit or his monthly mobile-to-mobile minutes. He didn't all of a sudden turn gay and you are totally, like ew, to him now. He got your text message two days later - "Hey you. I had a lot of fun the other night. Got any plans this weekend?" And he also got that missed call and voicemail you left too. "Heeeeeeey there, just never heard back from you! You missed a great party this past weekend. I won in beer pong. That never happens - you would be so proud, you......" Sorry, but he hit delete a looooong time before that. You don't need to double text him or call again - you will look psycho. Nobody likes a psycho.

When it boils down to it, he just wasn't feeling it. If he likes you, he will call. If he likes you, you'll get a text back. Or {shocker!} you'll get a text first. Remember all those guys who went text-less back from you? Remember those hearts that were lost in you, but you just didn't give a shit? OH HEY karma. The guy you actually did like doesn't like you at all. Doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. You could be the biggest, juiciest, ripest, most peachy peach there is and there will still be someone in the world that just doesn't like peaches.

If a man wants you, nothing will keep him away. If he doesn't, nothing will make him stay. If he can't get you off his mind, you'll be hearing from him. If you never were on his mind, he doesn't really wanna hear from you. He's onto the next one - Jay Z said so. And we all trust Jay Z. So stop turning your phone off in hopes of turning it back on and receiving a missed text. Stop leaving it at home while you do errands & thinking magically because you are away, he will text you. Stop wishing on stars and spend the money you're throwing in the wishing well on a cute outfit for your next date. Get out of that dirty pond looking for his cell phone remains and get on with your life. After all, you are smart, beautiful, worthy and you damn sure don't have a single moment to waste waiting on someone who wouldn't wait on you.


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