after all this time, i haven't given up on you. and every time the sun touches my face, i pretend it's you. i sat on the porch just the other night gazing up in to the night sky dreaming of fireworks and pretending they were all for you. with each burst of color was a reminder that you could've seen them too. i've been frowned upon and called a dependent and labeled delusional for not giving up on you by now. you've given me a million and one reasons to walk away; walk away from us and to just settle for what i don't deserve. i can admit that you haven't broken any of your promises simply because you haven't made any to me yet. you've kept me waiting in the rain. i've replayed our scenes over and over in my head, acted them out branching different solutions to keep you in my heart forever. over and over and over. you seem distant some days, yet whenever there is a breeze trickling through my hair, it fades into thoughts of your fingers untangling it.
my mom asks about you. i say i don't know much because that's the honest truth. it feels like forever since we have talked, {maybe because it has been}. my dad still doesn't like you even after i told him you're a good guy. but as a 24 year old woman, what little girl's father wouldn't be skeptical about a guy his daughter wants to be with forever and his lack of coming around. i'm starting to think they think i'm crazy for not giving up on you. i think they think i've lost my hope and my faith in a drowning sorrow of sweet nothings.
maybe they're right.
my friends subliminaly drop hints that i shouldn't expect so much from you because you have yet to give me all of what i need. i'm turning down guys, actual good guys who want something to do with me because i don't get the feeling with them that i know i get with you. i miss you. i wonder what girls you're talking to now and if you really even like them at all. or if they could just be another void you're trying to fill - just like i am. but sadly enough, looking back on my life so far with you, you have yet to give me anything. anything at all. i'm growing weary waiting on you to come around yet day to day, one foot in front of the other, each new year that passes, i haven't given up on you.
maybe i am delusional by your unknown kiss or your lifeless touch. but i think the craziest part about all of this is i don't even know your name. i don't know your eye color, your hair color or even who you are or where you are at all. i've never laid my eyes on your face. but what i do know in all of my heart is that somewhere you are looking for me too. you search the sea of people on the streets and the crowded bars and subways waiting to lock eyes with mine. and one day we will find each other. although i don't know when that will be or how long i will have to keep waiting, i do know that there will be a moment frozen in time and i won't be able to look away from you. and for that moment, my hope, that glimpse of eternity that lies in my crevices of faith - for all that you will be, i'll believe.
and i will for you, i'll continue to wait. i'll continue to fight. for you, i won't give up.
xo
-A
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