Thursday, February 21, 2013

he's a storm i got lost in.

if we were rain, i would be a light mist and he would be a steady hurricane. he is a car speeding the wrong way down a one way leaving me no way to stop him before we lose it all. he is a game of checkers; only being backed into the corner surrounded by black buttons. we are a word search. lost in the kaleidoscope of letters and mixed signals, except none line up to make any sense. he is like free falling without a plan to land, breaking the speed of sound that echoes the warnings in my mind. he is a tornado and i am a tree, snapping in half at his power and strength. he spins me out of control and i’m lost in the moment. he makes me feel wanted and yet not needed at the same time with his blissful arrogance; a tragedy better recognized as my clarity. he’s that moment we laid in bed, the only light in the room from his alarm clock in the corner. 3:32am lit up the wall in red when he confessed he was broken and that i couldn’t change it. i should've taken that as a precaution. he’s an exhausted promise and an unfulfilled commitment. he’s a color by number when you’re colorblind, a confusion when you try to put it all together. as much as i have tried, i can’t color him to be what i need us to be. yet trying to forget him is like trying to forget your way home. he’s a drive i’ve made endless times always resulting in my losing my gravity. it’s insanity. we do the same thing expecting different results and every time i’m still left standing in the perfect storm, empty handed and empty hearted. he is my little black dress. the one i wore the night we met a year ago; plain, simple, and my go-to when i need to guarantee something i know will feel good for the night. he’s that clear evening in june we shared over the summer. i can still feel the way he held me as we spun in the night sky at a concert song that neither of us knew the words to. the dance promised more than he could ever deliver. the moon was our spotlight and the sky was flawless until the storm set in. we were flawless until the storm set in. it was easy to get lost in him and i think that’s when i started drowning in his waves. we were something i put everything into thinking he’d do the same back. but he’s just a 2am text; a blurred memory. he’s a line that isn’t defined and shifts and staggers at his discretion only. he’s a game and one i’m tired of playing.  don’t fall in too deep with the storm. don’t fall in love with the maybe and the supposed to.

they never love you back.


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