Thursday, March 28, 2013

on being naked.

he's interested in you. he makes you feel shy - which is really strange because you're not a shy person at all. your cheeks flush and your heartbeat races and it confuses you because you usually have it together around men. usually they're the one with shaky hands and an unsteady stance because you're giving them a overwhelming rush. before you run into him, you fluff your hair and tousle your bangs so it doesn't look like you're trying too hard. you slip on some rose-tinted chapstick from anthropologie for no other reason than the way your lips look when it glosses it over. you coyly play with eye contact when he's around - not giving him too much to ogle over, but just enough so he knows you're into it and he is too.

...or so you like to think.

he makes it a point to always call you when it's convenient for him and it's usually convenient for him around friday nights around 1:30am. this is hard for you because you don't wanna be that girl. your friends have asked you why you still play along and why you have played along for months and you proceed to tell them they just don't understand. he gives you something you don't get from other guys. he gives you a chase and for you, that's fun. it keeps you entertained. it keeps you right there on the edge of his cliff; the wind blowing your hair as you teeter on the edge and looking down, there is nowhere to land. you lean further towards the edge as you lose your footing to fall, but his no response to your hey wanna grab dinner tonight? text is right there to pull you back to safety. girl, don't lose your heart just yet.

but repeating to yourself not to lose yourself into him is a hopeless battle because you know he has you. you shake your head at the thought because this is ridiculous. you're never the girl to give a guy the one thing he doesn't deserve until he's gotten to know you with your clothes on. he's supposed to know your birthday before he knows your bra size. he's supposed to know your favorite color before he can figure it out because it's reflected on all your lingerie. he's supposed to know your heart before he knows you naked.

but let's face reality here, ladies. no one does that anymore, right? i mean if you won't give him what he wants, he will go find someone who will, right? and i guess when it comes down to it, that's his choice. you can't stop what doesn't want to be stopped. it's like trying to halt a hurricane. it's like standing on the ocean shoreline and trying to stop a tsunami wave with just the palm of your hand. it's like trying to change your mind when you've already free falling off his cliff.

near impossible.

but i still hold hope. i don't know if i'm crazy for that or not. you tell me? throughout all the misconceptions and rude statistics against it, i still think a woman should be treated better than that shit and worthy of something more that a physical satisfaction even as satisfying physical moments can be. but, that doesn't mean a guy gets to sleep in your bed after the second date. no, he doesn't get to come over only when he's drunk. a women should be left wanting more. ladies, you should leave him wanting more. if you really stop and think about it, anyone can take their clothes off and have sex. it's an easy act to follow through with. but to really stop and open up yourself to someone first; to share your likes and your dislikes; to tell your own story of why you are the way you are; to expose your insecurities and faults; to extend to someone things about you that you don't even love yourself; to trust and to let someone into your heart when you haven't let anyone else...

i think that's truly being naked.


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