Wednesday, March 6, 2013

the eye is calm and so was she.

she was sitting on her couch in an apartment that was empty. it was november. the temperature in the living room wasn't far off from that outside and she remembers shivering. not only from the chill in the room, but from not knowing where she stood. the brown suede couch sat comfortably in the corner facing her lifetime movie and her wine glass was creating condensation rings on the coffee table; multiple rings because she never placed it back down in the same place twice out of nerves, fiddling with the skin on her thumb, picking at it like she'd been doing for years when her heart was flustered and unsteady. on the phone was her best guy friend & she was begging for advice because she didn't know how to make it better; and didn't know what to say these days because it seemed it had ended up to be a lose lose. a damned if she did, damned if she didn't situation. he had no clue what to say because guys don't feed off of girl drama; let alone have any amount of decent advice to give when it comes to cat fighting.

she was enraged by the fake rumors. she was enraged by the gossip. she was enraged at what her name was being made out to be when she had lived her whole life doing nothing but trying pursuing the opposite. she was enraged by what was being portrayed to be her character. she was enraged by the comments and the banter and the wildfire lies and the dramatic accusations.

she was on the phone with him and he finally said "you're not letting this get to you. let's talk about something different. what was something cool that happened today?" relieved, her breathing returned to normal and she started talking about what funny thing her coworker did at work until a text message interrupted her story. the name at the top of her iPhone echoed as she didn't know what the text would read. a misfortunate event had startled them in the darkness of the evening. time stopped and so did the story and so did she.

not knowing how serious or how delicate the situation was at hand made things more difficult and not being able to be there made it harder. the vagueness of this story is ironic consider the vagueness of the her feelings towards them in that moment. not knowing whether to go or stay, react or move on. regardless, somewhere between the vague recall she fails to tell me now after all these months that have passed or the vague, blurred memory that sits in her mind of this night, it was that night she knew what she had to do.

rumors flew even worse, but she never said a word. she carried on her day tweeting about random things like the weirdness of going into target and buying tooth paste, a space heater, and mascara or how she dodged a bird driving to work on the twisting road merging towards downtown at 7:45 am and ducked when it flew towards her windshield, laughing how that made no sense because the car protected her from it. she continued with her life without obsessing what was going on around her or behind her or about her. whispers in the corner of bars, looks that could kill and the nothing better to do comments; the storm of emotions and stories, mostly embellished, raged on and circled around her like a hurricane. and she was the eye.

but just as a hurricane carries itself, the eye is calm and so was she. she knew the storm too would pass in good time and it did. sooner, rather than later, her response-less demeanor to drama settled in and she chose to run the other way than to stick around to see who was still there when the clouds cleared. she told me she suggests that if you find yourself in something similar to walk the other way. because when the storm does release and the renewed feeling of a morning reveals itself into you, you don't want to know who stayed and who went so effortlessly.

sometimes there is a better way than to say what's on your mind she says. she told me to tell you that life is more than what happens to you. life is the way you respond to your misfortunes and faulty friends and empty eyes around you. she says by not bothering with those who try to bring you down will only put you higher. she says this because it happened to her. it's been seen multiple times that people tend to believe being a hardass gets your point across; yelling and cussing and shoving and insulting will let you win the war. but most of the time, saying nothing at all says it all much more.

sometimes God calms the storm. but sometimes, He lets the storm rage & calms His child.



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