your ex-boyfriend. for real this time.

you spent so much time with this person, didn't you? the crumpled pictures you printed are fading from the years that have passed since they we're last on display. the old teddy bears from those valentine's days are collecting dust in the dark corner of your closet. and when something cool happens to you, your first thought isn't to jump to your phone to type in his number that's imprinted in your mind. your first date, the first kiss, the first time you met his mom, the time you celebrated that anniversary. when he had trouble stuttering out "i love you," your first fight... and your last. all of these memories are like a folded up piece of paper tucked in your back pocket. but time has passed since then, hasn't it? you'd like to think enough time has passed that it's no longer a competition of who is "more happy," because you’re both happy. who has slept with more people than the other since your last because it’s none of either of your damn business. enough time has passed that a simple text showing care when he’s heard hearsay of something happened to your family isn't a reach at all to recreate what was lost. it's for respect.

 i think relationships are one of the most powerful and most harsh teacher. when they’re over, you have to exert time and energy into something different instead of the time and energy you put into them. and you don’t always know how to do that at first. people fall back in love with a memory and mask the reality of the glass of the broken relationship as this traumatic-oh-em-gee-i’m-never-gonna-move-on loss. but i totally get it, though. you loved the dude. the dude walked on water and cooked you breakfast and did your algebra homework and took you to taco bell that one time. nobody else in this world is that sweet, amanda! he was amazing, you say, so holding on to the taco b memory is what gets you dressed in the morning and able to face your day.

i’ve seen this firsthand actually and i’ve experienced it myself. i’ve had a relationship end and then we tried again. and it ended again. i’ve also seen a friend of mine end a relationship and now they’re engaged. i’ve also seen a friend of mine end an engagement. so you can’t apply what worked in their heart to your own.

don’t chase what’s gone.

don’t chase what doesn’t want to be chased.

don’t embarrass love.

don’t run in place or circle your heart around a memory or beg or plead. good Lord please don’t beg or plead. if he wanted you, pride wouldn't stop him. pride doesn't overpower love. i guarantee you if you put as much time and effort into moving on as you have replaying what went wrong, you’d be over by now.

when i posted the "ex boyfriend" post the other day, a lot of you emailed and loved it, but wanted a further blog about the subject - so here ya go. but really i should have just reposted it because i’m saying the same thing here just in waaaaay more words. when it boils down to face value - really, you don’t have time for that. break ups blow big donkey toes. they’re not fun for anyone. and if you don’t take anything else away from what i’m saying, take this: breakups aren’t always meant for makeups. most times, they’re meant for wake ups.

wake up today.

xo,
-A

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