Wednesday, May 29, 2013

when it clicks.

your heart does this stupid thing sometimes where it nitpicks. it combs through the details of someone and finds the things it doesn’t like or that it deems incompatible with you. it does this because you’ve made it do that; because maybe you’re a bit guarded. it then takes these things and places them on the forefront of your mind, highlighting their existence, spinning them  around, completely noticeable, like the light at the top of a lighthouse. you can see these things for miles. you can see them in the dark and you see them when you’re doing your best not to see them. sometimes this is when you see them the most often.
so you toy with the idea of taking a chance. you’re into it and then you’re not. it’s a gamble. it’s a game of tic tac toe; either side could make a wrong or right move in a half second and the whole game changes. it’s a seesaw. your legs propel you into the air, but the weight of your body like the weight that’s on your heart sinks you back to the ground and it’s up to the person on the other side to do their part to push back off to keep the flow. it’s a balance scale. too much from one side and too little from the other will offset the algorithm process to keep the scale equal.
you’re not ready or you’re not feeling it so you start to find ways and reasons to run. he tells you you’re pretty. you think too soon; he’s said this a million times. he texts you good morning. you think haha heck no. too clingy. he takes you on the most amazing date ever.  you think omg, i can’t believe he wore those shoes. his hair is too long for your taste. and i know he’s not going to cut it. he doesn’t play baseball and that’s all you’ve ever dated. aren’t they mostly douchebags? oh i just love a good chase!
you can spend your whole life coming up with things and reasons why someone isn’t right for you. they could be the best person ever and you just don’t want it. no specific reason and you ask your friends WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?  hey, nothing's wrong with you. and i think i’m supposed to tell you to give this guy a chance. i’m supposed to tell you that you don’t know what you’re missing out on. i’m supposed to remind you no one is perfect and you’re being too picky and that you should give them an opportunity first. but i can’t. because i don’t always do that myself and what fair would it be to preach something the person preaching it doesn’t even believe in?
i’m a believer in a few things but i definitely believe in “the click.” it’s that moment when you meet someone and they get your humor and you laugh about disney movies and they fire jokes back you faster than you can come up with them yourself. they don’t overcrowd your space and you can talk to them for hours and they don’t get on your nerves. this is huge. it’s not a good thing when someone you’re thinking of as a boyfriend to get on your nerves. they will do things for no reason and my goodness, this person will make you laugh. you’ll probably like that the most about them.
you’ll just click. it will be natural and they’ll move you like a hurricane. he’ll tell you you’re pretty and you’ll smile. his shoes won’t matter; neither will his hair. the good morning texts will be your favorite and a blind three legged dog could beat him in baseball. when it clicks, it’s like none of it matters. what you have in common overrides things that you don’t. you’ll spend time learning and growing and being open to doing so and holy shit, you’ll actually want to. you won’t know what tomorrow will bring or next week or next year and for the first time, you’re not worrying about it. because right now is this moment. and this moment is right where you want to be.

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