... and perhaps the most special one of them all. they meet you after you’ve been hurt before; maybe a few times. they have to press more. they have to endure more. they have to unveil all of your insecurities. they have to deal with a heart they didn’t break. they have to listen to stories of why your heart was broken and make pinky promises not to do the same. they have to listen to you talk about the time you loved another when they hate the idea someone else got that close to you; someone else existed where they want to exist forever and that someone else left you broken instead. they have to prove to you that you won’t end up like before and have to jump through hoops of trust to do so. sometimes we run from them. other times we push them away because we don’t know what else to do. sometimes we don’t believe the words they say because we have heard them all before. we don’t invest too much time or feelings because that would create vulnerability and we promised ourselves we would never give someone the power to destroy us again. we say we don’t need them, but when they’re gone, we find we miss them. at first we don’t want kisses on the forehead or to hold hands in public because that’s what others did and that only ended in a dead end road. our last love has to deal with constant comparisons and being judged and we don’t allow ourselves to fall as fast with our last love as we eagerly were ready to jump head first with our first love. with them, we wanted to taste the fizzle our heart was creating and feel every bit of it. our last love has to fight through an army of soldiers around the walls of our hearts who protect us from those who try to get in. they won’t let just anyone in anymore. they’ve been too trusting before.
i think we spend too much time visiting in the past while living in the present. you can’t control your mind from wishing your last love would immediately give you the comfort you had with your first. your last love is the unknown. you don’t know if they going to wake up one morning and not want you anymore so you think back to the story of your first love that you know, by heart, the ending to. you have time to prep yourself to take the blow. maybe you are already expecting there to come a time you’ll have to get over this love so you start teaching your heart how to now. but i think that you aren't giving your last love enough credit. considering your last love probably is just as scared as you are. they, too, probably have felt the not so good part of love, but there they are – being patient with you because they want to love you. because they don’t want you to blame them for what someone else did. because your last love does just that – they last.
i say to hell with your first love. sure, they taught you a lot. they were the first one to make you vulnerable and to make you cry. they were they first one to teach you how delicate love is and beautiful at the same time. somewhere deep down you know that a tiny piece of you will love them forever; if you truly loved them at all. this will be the case even if you don’t want to admit it. love is love, remember? it doesn't truly go away. it subsides, but it doesn't go away. but you know, i still say to hell with that. a first love is great, but a last love is the most beautiful. the last love doesn’t give up on you or think they can find someone better or someone more attractive or more funny than you are. because they know there are people out there that are far greater than they are and they love you for still choosing them. i think we should give a big round of applause to your last love. because they will teach you something that your first love did not.
..that love still exists when you thought that it never could again.
xo,
-A
follow me on twitter: @agcrute
