Thursday, July 25, 2013

say what you need to say.

so there was this one time i was sitting in my room in my townhome back in college when i lived in greensboro, nc. i think it was december 2011 so about a year and a half ago. i had to work the next morning so i was already in bed, lights out, covers up when i heard my iphone make it’s buzzing noise. thinking it was just a random text, i picked it up and on the display screen was a notification from facebook messenger from a girl i had only met one time.
we will call her stacy.
after recognizing her name, it took me a minute to recall where i met stacy that night. folding back through pages in my mind, trying to remember when i met her was difficult until i finally landed on the memory. go-kart racing. it was probably two years before that, meaning somewhere landing between some months of 2008 and 2009, i went with one of my dearest friends and a few other guys to an event of hers at a go-kart track. pretty awesome right? free food & go-karts? kay, i’m in.
stacy was working at the event and if i can recall correctly was the head person running it. greeting us with a smile welcoming us to try some food and take on the track, she had the warmest personality all noticeable within a few minutes of meeting her. i shook her hand, introduced myself and the person i was with and we chatted for a bit about what we were studying in school, plans after graduation, and other odds & ends. i wish there was more to the story but there wasn’t. she added me on facebook (because that’s what you did back then; you meet someone and the OMG WE SHOULD TOTALLY BE FACEBOOK FREINDS convo then follows. this is intensified when drinking, fyi) and boom, there was our friendship. a 20 minute chit chat introduced by a mutual friend and a new bff tacked on my friends list. and that was that.
i left the event and went on about my life for like two years later bringing us back to that night in decemeber of 2011. stacy knew some things had changed in my life since we had met, people that had faded in and out, considerable life changing things, and she saw these things unravel because of our lovely facebook connection. that thing knows all and tells all.
i feel like throughout anything life has thrown at me, positivity has always been the way i tried to view it. even though it could be the most heart wrenching thing; things i didn’t understand, i always believed in the bigger pictures of things and not just snapshots. but i’m not one of those here lemme throw that in your face annoying always happy go lucky positive patty people either. i think a healthy balance does just fine.
anyway, the message i received from stacy literally made me realize it wasn’t just me that was being affected. excerpts from message are as follows:
Hey gorgeous lady!
So this is prob the most random FB email of the month - unprompted - and if I may add - sent under the influence of some Duplin wine.
I see your FB and pinterest posts - and thru college I knew you as "Jane's friend" - so many of your friends are prob in serious relationships, engaged, married, or having kids - and based on your posts, I can see that you are strong, independent, and you recognize the need not to settle.
I guess I was inspired today talking to a girlfriend of mine. She has a few years on you - but reminds me of a younger version of you. She hasn't settled - gorgeous - self motivated and energetic - and she had the most random sweet guy walk into her life unexpectedly. She called me this morning.  She woke to breakfast in bed with Monday morning mimosa's... driven to go get a facial and massage.... picked up and wisked away to two local wineries for lunch and wine tasting... followed by a candlelit dinner and early xmas present.
Take it from someone who rushed in and settled... a couple lonely nights never takes away from what God has waiting from you. Be patient and listen for the man he has prepared for you.  Rushing in and following your "heart" wont get you there.
... Its an amazing feeling when God uses you to speak to others... and with all I've had going on in my life, and how long it has been since He and I have even spoken, I am amazed that he would even want to use me. It is not like me to reach out to someone I barely know.  I know it sounds a little funny to know that you are able to inspire others, even when you dont know they are watching... but your posts and confidence are truly inspiring.  Know that God has great plans for you.
I feel the tug to share this... God Bless...

it was definitely an eye opener and one she didn’t even have to do. i feel like people don't realize the impact they have on others - in both good and bad ways. people remember what you do. people remember what you don't do. you never know who's life you're touching when you're just carrying through your everyday life. so if/when you run across someone who has done that for you, please share with them. when you have something you want to say, please say it. say what you need to say. it will mean more to them than you know.
follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Monday, July 22, 2013

i didn't like the perfect guy.

this was a while ago, but i can still remember the awkward tension. i’m pretty sure he was trained. like someone sat this kid down, put headphones in his ears, had him stare at a blank wall and do nothing but listen to monotoned verbatim abc version of what to do when dating. he was that scripted.
dudes, don’t get me wrong. i like a good plan. my current boyfriend, who is a great guy aka not like stale bread, once made me an itinerary (remind me to blog about this some other time because it was cool) of our super saturday date. it was all  no strings attached style. the movie. not our dating style, of course. the whole scene when ashton gives natalie the binded-together notebook of what their date consisted of. it was cute and thought-worthy and i’m getting a little off topic because that was a damn good day.
but the point is that planning, with moderation, can be awesome. knowing what you’re doing and doing things right are key. but everything, so black and white, by the book, boring, expected, unnatural, show me you’re not perfect because you’re acting like it but i know you’re not, blah, blah, yawn dudes are not. i don’t know maybe i’m somewhere off in left field or something, but that good dude just didn’t do it for me, even though i knew i wanted a good dude then. he was stagnant. he was like opening up a box of lucky charms and there being no marshmallows – just a big bag of that brown grain stuff. and that is not cool. ew. cardboard.
i’m an affectionate person and the person that i’m with i like making them feel and know that. but before i cross that threshold with you, no - i'm gonna still need my bubble. give me my bubble. i don’t like elevators but that doesn’t mean you have to rub my back the whole 18 floor ride up. i'm gonna be okay, i'm just a lil claustrophobic, alright? the wine was bought, chilled, and two glasses were already waiting (ok fine, i guess that wasn’t SO bad. plus we all know my heart = wine.) but his whole cliché lets meander through this field as the sun sets, sipping our wine, hand in hand, let me pay for everything and make perfect jokes at the most perfect time, wear my cute little sweater tied around my collared button up as my hair is perfectly gelled to slightly to the right with my perfect white smile, i’m going to school to be a doctor, you’ll never have to work, oh you wanna go to 24 bars tonight? sure the cab tab is all mine, nooooooo i wanna do whatever YOU wanna do, amanda you can order anything on this menu because i'm taking care of you, talk about our future together and this is date ONE, let me take absolute care of you because you’re a woman and can’t take care of yourself act just didn’t. do. it. for. me.
the guy was great. he was the cookie cutter image of what society would view a woman wants. and maybe most women do want that. someone to take care of them. go get their car and shit and bring it curbside when it’s 6 feet away because a woman’s feet are too delicate to walk. that’s an exaggeration. but my point is it just didn’t feel real to me. it seemed like an act and a show and i should’ve paid him for the “perfect” date. like thank you sir, here's 50 bucks because you have got to be some paid service because this shit ain't real. i feel like in my head, it made sense to like this but there was no spark. it was so perfect that it was absolutely boring and there was a smile on my face, but really i couldn't wait until i could beeline outta there. your first dates are supposed to feel like they last forever; not one that you're dying to leave. ding ding, red flag! women are complex creatures. we don't know what we want, but i do know when i know what i don't. did that line even make sense? if you're a woman - you're like yep, girl i know what you're talking about. although i believe a woman deserves so many great characteristics in a man, i still want my man to be human. not a robot. not a cookie cutter. it’s the opposite of what many will admit, but i want him to make mistakes and learn from them and learn from me and all that fun stuff. that good guy will make a woman very happy one day but it didn’t just click for me and we know i’m a believer in that.
when i got back home, i’d made my mind up and don’t believe in wasting people’s time. i walked away from that and then met my now awesome boyfriend 5 days later.
life will always throw you curves until you learn to swerve.
follow me on twitter: @agcrute