this was a while ago, but i can still remember the awkward tension. i’m pretty sure he was trained. like someone sat this kid down, put headphones in his ears, had him stare at a blank wall and do nothing but listen to monotoned verbatim abc version of what to do when dating. he was that scripted.
dudes, don’t get me wrong. i like a good plan. my current boyfriend, who is a great guy aka not like stale bread, once made me an itinerary (remind me to blog about this some other time because it was cool) of our super saturday date. it was all no strings attached style. the movie. not our dating style, of course. the whole scene when ashton gives natalie the binded-together notebook of what their date consisted of. it was cute and thought-worthy and i’m getting a little off topic because that was a damn good day.
but the point is that planning, with moderation, can be awesome. knowing what you’re doing and doing things right are key. but everything, so black and white, by the book, boring, expected, unnatural, show me you’re not perfect because you’re acting like it but i know you’re not, blah, blah, yawn dudes are not. i don’t know maybe i’m somewhere off in left field or something, but that good dude just didn’t do it for me, even though i knew i wanted a good dude then. he was stagnant. he was like opening up a box of lucky charms and there being no marshmallows – just a big bag of that brown grain stuff. and that is not cool. ew. cardboard.
i’m an affectionate person and the person that i’m with i like making them feel and know that. but before i cross that threshold with you, no - i'm gonna still need my bubble. give me my bubble. i don’t like elevators but that doesn’t mean you have to rub my back the whole 18 floor ride up. i'm gonna be okay, i'm just a lil claustrophobic, alright? the wine was bought, chilled, and two glasses were already waiting (ok fine, i guess that wasn’t SO bad. plus we all know my heart = wine.) but his whole cliché lets meander through this field as the sun sets, sipping our wine, hand in hand, let me pay for everything and make perfect jokes at the most perfect time, wear my cute little sweater tied around my collared button up as my hair is perfectly gelled to slightly to the right with my perfect white smile, i’m going to school to be a doctor, you’ll never have to work, oh you wanna go to 24 bars tonight? sure the cab tab is all mine, nooooooo i wanna do whatever YOU wanna do, amanda you can order anything on this menu because i'm taking care of you, talk about our future together and this is date ONE, let me take absolute care of you because you’re a woman and can’t take care of yourself act just didn’t. do. it. for. me.
the guy was great. he was the cookie cutter image of what society would view a woman wants. and maybe most women do want that. someone to take care of them. go get their car and shit and bring it curbside when it’s 6 feet away because a woman’s feet are too delicate to walk. that’s an exaggeration. but my point is it just didn’t feel real to me. it seemed like an act and a show and i should’ve paid him for the “perfect” date. like thank you sir, here's 50 bucks because you have got to be some paid service because this shit ain't real. i feel like in my head, it made sense to like this but there was no spark. it was so perfect that it was absolutely boring and there was a smile on my face, but really i couldn't wait until i could beeline outta there. your first dates are supposed to feel like they last forever; not one that you're dying to leave. ding ding, red flag! women are complex creatures. we don't know what we want, but i do know when i know what i don't. did that line even make sense? if you're a woman - you're like yep, girl i know what you're talking about. although i believe a woman deserves so many great characteristics in a man, i still want my man to be human. not a robot. not a cookie cutter. it’s the opposite of what many will admit, but i want him to make mistakes and learn from them and learn from me and all that fun stuff. that good guy will make a woman very happy one day but it didn’t just click for me and we know i’m a believer in that.
when i got back home, i’d made my mind up and don’t believe in wasting people’s time. i walked away from that and then met my now awesome boyfriend 5 days later.
life will always throw you curves until you learn to swerve.
xo,
-A
