acceptance is a small, quiet room.

i do try to keep it real here on the old blog. this is one of those posts i've dabbled on, left, came back, edited, rethought, and then finally i decided to hit publish. writing is my outlet and i've found it's a good thing.
funny thing about social media outlets such as a facebook status, tweets, or instagram posts - they can make everything seem like it's perfect in someone's life. 
don't get me wrong. i am very blessed and have wonderful friends, best friends, family, & future family, but i feel sometimes it's nice to see when someone and some things aren't so perfect all the time. it makes you feel human.
& that's when you get down to the real life stuff. the stuff you don't instagram. the losses you don't tweet about. the hard times you don't put on the bedroom wall in a 5x7 picture frame. 
you know, the stuff that hurts. 
and though i think it's better to not to air out every nitty gritty deatil of your dirty laundry on the internet for everyone to read, because after all, the internet is a public place, i don't think it makes you weak to show that you can be vulnerable.
i had a big life decision i had to make here recently. and for the sake of respect, i'm not going to disclose exactly what that was or who it involved. but i do know that it made me vulnerable. it made me sad. it made me rethink a lot more than i was wanting to think. 
and then i found this quote above. "acceptance is a small, quiet room."
i feel like there are things that we all go through that we run from. we don't face the problem. we take the easy way out and brush it under the rug. i know i've done that for some time now. funny thing is the filth doesn't go away. it sits there & stares at you, demanding to be noticed. but when you finally get past it, silence is where you're found. it feels at ease.
lee has been amazing through all of this. the times i have cried, he just held me. it's never easy to let go of 9 years of memories.
so when i made this decision, i came to terms with it head on and i was able to let go. i was able to put up a good fight and i lost. and it wasn't okay. most things will be okay eventually, but not everything will be.
this is one of those things. it won't be the same and i will miss you.