Friday, April 26, 2013

8 dating deal breakers.

1.       you smoke.

      okay. who hasn’t been at a bar in college and all the skinny girls and all the cool dudes outside are like, “totally taking a break from the bar scene” to go light one up and puff a few black clouds into their lungs? SO COOL.

okay fine, i’ve been there too. i’ve done that. i’ve done that to fit in because all my friends were doing that and i thought it was the new trend – but as all trends do, they die. maybe i was mind screwed for that time because i had always thought cigarettes and those associated were so trashy. i think i was entertained by this for like all of 2 months and out of the 2 months, maybe participated in this like 4 times. ohhhh the things alcohol and hanging with the wrong people will do to you. however, for this dealbreaker, i’m talking about the hey bro, can i snag a cig because i’m gonna die without it,  can’t make it through a dinner date without a smoke break, pause our conversation every 10 minutes, keep me coughing in your car because i can’t breathe, 5 packs a day kind of smoker. your clothes, your hair, your deodorant (in some extreme cases), and even when you open your wallet – smells like smoke.  but in reality - sorry, but making out with an ashtray doesn’t seem that attractive and if you do any of the above, neither do you.

2.      you have been single for only 3 months.

dude no. if i find out that you’ve just hopped back on the single horse like last week, i’ll send you running faster than your ex did. why? well 1. because of the obvious. no one gets over anyone within 3 months. hell, no one really gets over anyone within 6 months or maybe even a year give or take circumstances. sorry dude i will not be your rebound to make your ex jealous. 2. you’re dealing with the pain of your past relationship and maybe i do have a degree in psychology. i actually loved studying that in school, but i do not have the time to analyze why your ex girlfriend was a bitch. or why she cheated. or why she sucked and hated your friends. or why she wouldn’t let you drink. or why she had a weird obsession with the color purple. i don’t have time to hear about her, kay? go see a shrink. 3. ya know i really like my life and my face. and i don’t feel like having to deal with your ex blabbering cuss words drunk at a bar and trying to take a swing at my right jaw and mentally killing me in my sleep. i don’t really want to be the girl she sees you with next and immediately hates without knowing me at all. get over someone before you get under someone else – that you really see a future with that is. what you do what the in-between is on you and go ‘head do your thing, but sorry charlie, i’m not gonna be that girl.
3.      you’re not funny.

-         seriously, i think i laugh at myself more than i do anything. i run into walls, i trip in heels, i say corny jokes, i over exaggerate things, and i’m pretty quick when it comes to clever comebacks. i love sarcasm. i’m good in beer pong and you damn well better believe when you’re on the opposing team i’m going to talk so much junk to you, you’re going question the fact that you’re really playing a girl. and then i’ll sink the last cup and remind you that a girl just kicked your butt. sometimes i stump my toe and say words i shouldn’t. sometimes i stutter over my words. sometimes i say inappropriate jokes and things i shouldn’t. and sometimes is say “sometimes” too much – right then was a good example. sorry ya’ll this is the wine talking. {winky.}sometimes i drink too much and make a fool of myself, but dammit if you’re the one for me, you’re going to laugh at it and compliment it and we will talk about it the next morning. you won’t be embarrassed. you’ll try to top it! if you can’t hang, you can’t be with me.

4.      you don’t like spontaneity.

-         i am such a planner. i plan my day out at work organizing every little details but when it comes to my personal life and i have no plans day of – you better know i’ll be up for anything. friends of mine know this about me and i will be dead freakin’ tired; planning my nap after work and they can text me at 4:45pm and say “after work drinks at blackfinn charlotte?” – boom i’m there. i feel like i am the most #yolo person and yes i know #yolo is no longer cool to say, but whatever. the acronym is super lame but the concept is amazing. you are only young once and i hate the term “sleep when you die” because um no, you don’t sleep when you die – you’re dead dumbass. but you can sleep less hours and still survive the next day. go zip lining and skydiving and scuba diving with scuba steve or anything your heart desires. you only get 10 years in your twenties y’all. do it all.

5.      you don’t like my family or friends.

-         self explanatory. they’re my life. get with them or get lost.

6.      your dad & mom aren’t cool.

-         okay this one i can bend with. i guess you realllllllllllly can’t help if they suck and if i like you – i’ll try to look past it but i’ve been super close with the dad and mom of pretty much everyone i’ve dated. and i have to love yours too. family is number one. family doesn’t change. remember that.
7.      your height.

-         oh geez. everyone thinks i’m a super huge bitch for this one. i don’t know, maybe it’s a thing of masculinity for me? i’m 5’8”. and these lil girls that are all 5’2” don’t understand why i just haveeeeeee to have someone over 6 foot. omg like 6 foot is just like so tall. why are you so picky?! ... so let me put in perspective for all you little short shrimps out there (no offense, y’all are princesses too) but really – i’m 5’8”. i like someone who is, say 6’2” or taller. now to you, that’s a freakin’ giant. but let’s do some math. how many inches different is that? 6 inches. let’s add 6 inches to your 5’2” frame. bam – 5’8”. my height. is that right? i don’t know; i suck at math and the wine isn’t helping. but see my point? it’s the same difference and considering most of your boyfriend’s are just as tall or slightly taller (otherwise they couldn’t easily kiss your short self) than i am. boom goes the dynamite. trust me – i don’t hate on short people. kinda envy you guys, but if you were my height (or at least think like i do) you would too.

8.     {insert any other weird kinda deal breaker like being psycho, crazy, clingy, not giving me space, coming on too strong, being lame, being boring, being socially awkward because i’m way too social for that, not liking cats, not liking dogs, not liking food, not understanding and enhancing my weirdness, not liking cereal, not – anything else i come up with between now and when i find the one.}

ps, if you don’t like wine, it’s probably not gonna work out either considering wine wrote this blog. cheers to friday!
follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Thursday, April 25, 2013

pay it forward.

when i was younger, i watched that movie. this idea really is extraordinary. for those who’ve never seen the movie, it’s about a kid {better known from the sixth sense that claims he “sees dead people”} that has a whore of a mother played by the beautiful helen hunt who gets a class assignment to somehow change the world - or something like that. it was a long time since i’ve seen this movie so sorry i don’t know all the intricate details.
anyway, he comes up with this idea that if one person does three random acts of kindness for three different people and then those three continue the trend for 3 more different people and the branches just keep building for this movement. he goes on to say how all of humanity can be changed and tada! the world is saved.
ok, i know  - it’s a movie. but really, stop and think about this. when is the last time you did something for someone for no reason at all?
i’d like to tell you a little short story.
it was a little over a year ago and i was on my lunch break for work. i had plans after work with a friend and needed to run to walmart for a few necessities around the house. back then, i only got an hour for lunch and the closest walmart was about a nice little fifteen to twenty minute drive, depending on traffic. i was flying down the road on my phone chatting away to my friend about our plans later and i rushed into walmart – grabbed some toothpaste, toilet paper, a new mascara tube, daily vitamins and a few other odds and ends before finally being sucked into the impulse aisle near the register and grabbing the cosmo magazine because somebody cool, like kate hudson, was on the cover and one of the headlines claimed 8 new ways to turn a guy on. well duh? who doesn’t want to know about that, i thought. so i decided to throw away five dollars on some bs article, that i later figured out, told me things that i already knew. i was in line continuously checking my iPhone so i was sure i had time to get a coffee before going back to work and still clock-in under an hour. tapping my foot on the floor and carrying everything in my arms, i turned around and noticed an elderly lady, probably around the age of 80, fumbling with her hands, squinting her small eyes and sighing heavily, trying to carry way too many groceries. i think old people are literally the cutest, so it was no surprise before the next thing i knew, my things we sitting nicely on the walmart floor and i took her items from her hands and placed them on the counter for her to be scanned by the cashier. i let her go in front me and picked up my things and continued to wait in line.
there was a man already checking out in front of both of us. he was tall; lean. and gray had just set in to his shorter dark hair as he glanced back at me and smiled a very small smile as he handed the cashier his payment, gathered his things, left the store and went about his day.  i figured he was just super friendly and the smile reminded me of the importance of being warm to strangers; people you don’t know anything about because you never know who needs it. the elderly lady did the same and as she turned to leave after thanking me one more time, i began to set my things on the counter to be rung up. my total was $30 dollars and some odd cents, so i dug into my wallet for my debit card and the cashier discounted the final bill down by $20.00, bringing my total to $10 dollars and some. huh? wait, what? i looked at her with confusion and asked why. she said the man that just left saw how you helped that older lady that just left so generously without even thinking. he insisted when it was your turn to pay, to use the $20.00 he just gave me, towards your bill. he didn’t say much else but just told me to tell you to “pay it forward.”
y’all like really? i was stunned. in all my 23 years of living, i had never had a moment impact me like that. he didn’t have to do that. he could’ve given me a high five & a whoohoo! good job; you’re cool! and made a bigger scene – but he didn’t. he could’ve not thought twice or not looked my way or seen me at all – but he didn’t. he did more than keep twenty bucks in my pocket that day. he was extending a random act of kindness to someone else who didn’t know his name or his story for no reason at all.
i walked back to my car; my mind closing in on his sweet smile knowing in a few short minutes, i would know what he did and would have no way of thanking him. his sweet smile hoping i would do the same for someone i didn’t know.
i stopped for coffee on the way back to work. the sun was shining. i got to the drive-thru window and checked my reflection in the rearview mirror. after fluffing my hair, my eyes caught the eyes of the person behind me in another car. it was a woman; probably mid 40s in a simple line waiting for coffee just like i was. my mind went back to just 30 minutes ago and i looked at the cashier inside the building and said this may be silly, but how much is the person’s total in the car behind me? i’d like to pay for their coffee. after the cashier realized i wasn’t crazy, he mumbled a $5.50 total and asked why? i handed him my debit card and said when she pulls to the window, tell her it’s taken care of & happy tuesday from me - and to pay it forward.
so, try it, will you? it can be life changing. there are still beautiful people in this world, like yourself, who have hearts of gold. show that off because that's the true definition of beauty. plus, you are guaranteed a smile knowing that a simple act of kindness, to someone who won’t be able to say thank you, can make their entire day. and then someone else's day. and then someone else's.
for absolutely no reason at all.
follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


i think we all love the chase – that over-excited feeling you get when your phone lights up and his name is on the screen. he’s unpredictable and you’re not committed; sometimes you can guess his next move and the next you wonder since he isn’t talking to you, who else is he talking to? the things he says to you, could he copy and paste to someone else with the same intent? you fumble with the idea, but yet you’re doing the same damn thing. the things you’ve said to him, you could say, and in some cases have said, to others you’re talking to. you stay addicted to the feeling of the chase because it comes with no broken hearts and no chance of vulnerability. it comes with moments of satisfaction, but nothing that can tear down the exterior you’ve built. he’s got your attention, but it’s nothing that you couldn’t walk away from in a second, head in a different direction and feel no remorse. jaded – some would like to call you; the one who won't commit.
it’s like the second the chase is gone and feelings start to settle, you’re out. deuces. peace. bye. see ya. some may call this leading people on. some people might be right. well, are you? am i? is it even your fault to begin with? are you cognitively running through hearts just for the fun of it or are you just as blind to your actions as we’d like to believe you are – because no one in their right mind screws with emotions. does the idea of being with someone, and just that someone, forever scare the hell out of you?
don’t worry, it did me too. you’re not jaded. jaded is kind of a harsh word anyway.
i’ve ran from commitment. i mean anything that even hinted at feelings or any kind of “i like you” sent me hauling everything i’ve ever owned in the other direction stirring up dust trails underneath the wheels of my car. andddd bye! any kind of sweet gesture would make me physically sick and would be something i’d roll my eyes at because that doesn’t exist. people who do that are fake and are just trying to get something right? screw you and your wrong intentions. ha! you think i’m the type of girl to fall for your conniving ways. i see right through you dude and i know what you’re doing. keep it walking because you’re the one who is wrong here.
okay so pause.
lessons of this blog are as follows:
1.       there really are guys out there who will say all the right things at the right time and fool you. they do exist. sorry i don’t have better news here.
2.      there also really are guys out there who will say all the right things at the right time and whose actions will prove it over time.
there’s a difference. my problem was that i didn’t know how to give it the time. most anti-commitment people don't have the patience to wait it out because they're too busy making their next move. keep moving on.

sometimes when guys come on too strong, that also would send me running faster than a runaway train – even if they meant well. a lot of times they do mean well because someone who doesn’t, wouldn’t put time and effort into you if they didn’t see something extraordinary. this isn’t an easy thing to admit as sometimes it comes with embarrassment and the sense that you are broken. maybe you have been broken before. then maybe you healed. have you been in relationships your whole life? have you given your all and they gave you nothing? have you gave nothing and they gave you their all? there are a million questions you can ask someone to find out why they hide or run or stay at arms length, but never allow their fingers to intertwine.

i always used to talk to my dad about these type of things. my dad is a pretty cool dude i will say {even though he is a duke fan; don’t ask how this one happened. go tarheels.} and has been there for me after all these years from when i broke hearts and vice versa. i remember when i was 16 and i knew a relationship i was in wasn’t what i wanted, he and i would always go for a ride in my car to talk about it. he would tell me stories of his mix-ups and days when he was younger and made me feel like my life wasn’t in shambles if i broke up with some dude.

{daddy; me - with extremely blonde hair.}
a few years ago, i was the definition of anti-commitment. i don’t think i ever really knew why. but there was a guy that didn’t give up, wanted to know everything about me and my life and why i was scared, why i didn’t like elevators or blank movie screens and every other unique detail about me – there was nothing he wanted me to leave out. ultimately, my heart knows it worked out best for the both of us to keep it separate and not commit, but i remember talking to my dad about it. we were sitting in the living room at my childhood home nulling over the situation while sipping coffee on a sunday morning before church. i kept saying i couldn’t figure out why i couldn’t figure it out and he said something that has embedded itself in my head since that day. i can’t forget the nerve it struck in me because of the truth, even though i knew it would be more time before i could utilize the advice. i knew i needed to have more time to be anti-committal.
he said: “you know, amanda, a guy coming on strong doesn’t always mean wrong intentions. maybe he sees something in you that you may not see yourself. a guy that wants to talk to you all the time isn’t such a bad thing because you could always run the risk that he doesn’t want to make time for you at all. be thankful.”
my dad was always about humility; to be humble. i needed to be thankful and it took me a long time to see what was ever so clear to him. thanks daddy. a year and a half later, your daughter now sees what you were talking about. thank you for being patient.
there are so many awesome things to accomplish and places to see in this world. go hiking and see a view that will take your breath away. run a marathon. run five. go visit italy. go live in barbados for a year and learn new languages. watch movies every saturday in pajamas. become the ceo of a company. write a book. start a riot. volunteer at a shelter. make a mark on all 50 states in america. walk four miles a day. find the cure to cancer.  invent something. better the world. have a 40 hour a week job and love it. raise a puppy. make a difference. enjoy more madness.
you can do all the above a hundred times over, but at the end of the day, if you can’t look beside you and see someone there holding your hand, someone who you trust to support you through your highs and lows, someone to share your life with, really what’s the point?

so i say that we say no to anti-commitment. love when you dont know how to love. and when you think you are finally loving enough, love even harder.

follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Monday, April 15, 2013


when i run, the world just gets kind of quiet. not quiet in the sense that i silence the wind or the cars that pass down the street adjacent to the constant pitter patter of my running shoes against the sidewalk. not quiet in the way of blocking out the ticks of changing stoplights and chirps of crosswalk signs. and not quiet as in tuning out the sounds from the children playing kickball in their front yard or the deep sound of me catching my breath on the turn of mile 3.

it just kinda gets quiet in a different way that i can’t explain. it’s quiet without being quiet at all. it’s kind of like white noise. but, there is always music in my ears. i can’t run without the steady beat of something to match my footsteps to or stay focused knowing i have 30 seconds left to run to the end of a song before i stop for a quick breather. a lot of the time running is my therapy. 1 – it’s free. 2 – it’s entertaining. the different roads and neighborhoods always give a different view and a different feel to the air. and 3 – it’s where i go when i want to let go.

and i like to let go often.

the stress from everyday life, the constant ringing of the phone, the text messages i don’t want to answer but feel obligated to, the overwhelming emails, and people asking this and that and can you be here at this time or the will you do this for me instead – all that doesn’t exist in these miles. it’s all very simplistic. it’s just a girl in gray, tight workout pants with a loose fitted shirt rippling in the wind. it’s a pony tail flipping back and forth in the breeze matching the sway of her arms and the bending of her knees, in unison, powering through her body wanting to slow down but her mind telling her don’t stop. it’s a sweaty brow. it’s a pain in her right ankle that still has to be supported by an ankle brace from an injury. but mostly, it’s a free mind.

i don’t know what’s wrong with this world. years ago, we thought the shootings that happened were so out of the ordinary and the thought of such a tragedy only existed in the mind of the dark and twisted. these days we can’t go to a movie theatre, send our children or feel safe about our little brother or sister in their elementary school, or after boston’s tragic events today – even go for a run without having to expect the unexpected. we can’t even go for a run to free our own minds anymore without having to worry about the dark and twisted lurking in the shadows finding ways to unveil their ugly hearts or outdo other evil ways done before them. more people need to know God.

 more people need to know our Savior.

i am one person. i’m no one special really – just some chick who writes some stuff randomly, some real such as this post and some completely made up that you guys ask me to. and y’all come and read it. {thank you for that.} but i was at work today when i heard the news in boston and it still hasn’t left my mind since reading the news on my computer in horror. it makes me want to start a crazy movement, but the reality is that i’m only one person and i’m all about being realistic. i’m only one set of eyes in a sea of billions with different views and opinions. but i’ll tell you if i could do anything, i would ask that we start to love instead of continuing to hate. it can be as easy as that. it can be as simple like going for a run. and the cool thing is, you can start anytime you want. to love people – that is the only answer.

i ran tonight. i had a lot on my mind i wanted to let go so i had a pretty long run as you can see below. sometimes my thoughts drift to God and what’s going on in my life, but tonight they were all about the innocent men and women and children running the marathon and their families affected doing the same thing i was doing. i was just moving my legs forward  - one in front of the other in a tandem pattern. so were they when it all changed in a second. it only took a second and a loud boom to literally change the way they trust, the way they view life and for some, the way they even look. some who were injured today won’t ever get to free their mind the way runners do ever again and i just can’t wrap my mind around that. why world, why?

so if you can, just remember – love, itself, is the only way.

boston, these 6.22 miles, as little as that may seem, were all for you.




follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Friday, April 5, 2013

i hate dinner dates.

it’s just awkward.
don’t get me wrong. i’m a chatty person and i will talk your ears off. i could talk to a dang wall if i were left alone long enough. i want to know where you went to school, when your birthday is, if you pull for unc over duke (go heels!), your favorite color and why you have the bad scar on your left knee. i want to hear all these stories including what your mom is like, why you and your sister get along so well or not, and whether you would order your steak rare or medium rare so i know how to fix it for you one day. these small details about you make up who you are and i want to know all of them. but i don’t want to do it over dinner.
as women, i think it’s our fault. for years, we’ve built this up in a man’s head that you need to take us to the extravagant, crazy restaurant on our first date to impress us – one where neither of us can pronounce half the menu and the cheapest wine is $100.00 a bottle and the total bill will consume half of his weekly paycheck. this kid is gonna have to eat ramen noodles the rest of the week now! geez.
not to mention, usually i have to dress up for these type of restaurants and if you’re anything like me, you have an obsession with clothes and totally hate wearing the same thing twice (this is my one major princess quality, get over it). and most of the time, this means i will want a new outfit for our date and will waste an outfit on a dude i don’t even know if i like yet! what pressure.
i mean i like food. i love food actually and totally am down to kill some dinner with you at a swanky place as smooth jazz vibes in the background......eventually. i want to be slightly buzzed off of my second glass of chardonnay as we plan our beach trip this coming up this summer. and the cool thing about us having a beach trip this summer probably means we have been dating for a while, hence this isn't our first date and hence being at this restaurant is no longer awkward with you because we did other “no pressure” stuff to get to know each other. so if i fall down getting out of the booth, you'll just laugh and extend an arm saying it's okay honey. whatever, i can be clumsy.
am i the only girl to feel this way?  think about it – you have to sit there at dinner and act freakin’ perfect. you have to make sure your hair is parted right and not standing up in awkward places because he’s sitting across from you staring. you have to fold the little napkin in your lap and dabble your mouth after each bite and order a salad because God forbid  you actually eat! oh ew, she ordered the fried chicken and loaded mashed potatoes! that alone is going to add fifteen pounds to her, you think he’s thinking so you settle for three pieces of lettuce because that impresses him, right? and you have to make sure that salad isn’t more expensive that what he’s ordering. you compile a couple of different options in your head just in case he orders the inexpensive dinner and so do you because that’s, like, totally rude. you null over the conversation waiting to finish chewing because no one like someone who talks with food in their mouth. also, you run the EXTREME HIGH risk of spitting what’s in your mouth and have it land on the table. you both glance down at the “who knows what” that’s on the table, back at each other, and back at the food and then there’s silence.
you also are constantly paranoid that you might be sitting there, chatting away, with a huge chunk of something in your front teeth. i have done this. it is embarrassing. and when you go to the bathroom, you check your reflection and there’s something wedged in there screaming hiiiiiiiiiii!  yeah, i’m gonna go sneak out the back and never talk to him again because my life is over. oh, and then there’s the awkward moment when the waiter sees you both are done and she/he is all one or two checks? and you’re all thinking:
shit i got this.
but wait?
do i offer to pay?
let me awkwardly go for my wallet. slowly. sloooowly...
is that rude to think he’s gonna pay?
am i gonna insult him if i offer?
i could just be reaching for my chapstick.
will he think i don’t think this is a date if i offer?
do i look poor?
no that’s dumb, i don’t look poor.
does he think i only see him as a friend because i’m not letting him pay?
cool. he just offered, i guess we’re good.

all that just ran through your mind in a 25 second time span when you could avoid that mini mid-life crisis from the get go by forgoing dinner and doing something cooler. something where you can act yourself because let's get real - the above scenario isn't you at all.

when i go eat, sometimes my hair is ugly and in a pony tail. sometimes i don't wear makeup. i don't always order the salad. okay, i never order the salad. and no i don't usually care what i order costs because it's my money and i got this. and if i spit something on the table when i'm with people i'm comfortable with, i'm all like oooooops my b and we move on. when the check comes, i easily swipe that deb card and move on with my day. it's easy and for goodness sake, it's not awkward.

so i may be exaggerating a dinner date just a bit. i guess it really isn't the end of the world.
but my point is that i would much rather go do something fun on date than stifle through two and a half hours of blah blah convo. let’s go bowling. let’s go to six flags. let’s go hiking (just don’t kidnap me). let’s go to a bar with our friends. let’s go get drinks on a sunny afternoon and watch a ball game. let’s go someplace i can wear jeans and top. let’s just do anything but dinner.
dinner is boring. and i don’t want to be bored on our date. dinner is by the book and this girl right here is anything but by the book. and the man i’m dating can’t be anything close to that either.

take note!
follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Thursday, April 4, 2013

when he cheats.

your hands are sweating and your heart plunges to your stomach, yet your stomach is in your throat because all you can think to do next is throw up. you’re the recipient of the news from someone you trust. someone who saw something that shouldn’t have been seen. someone who has dreaded this phone call or the delivery of what they practiced over and over to say to your face. someone who knew when they told you – it would break your heart.
he’s cheating. the realization buzzes through your veins and all you can think about is why? you’re a good girlfriend. you’re faithful. you put up with his negative attitudes from time to time and love him through it. you cook him dinner. you support his stupid idea of a career. you make him laugh. you do his laundry, for god’s sake! why? the tears form in your eye sockets and trying to hold them back would be like holding back a runaway train.
images of him and her flood into your mind and you start to wonder just how long it’s been. how long has he been coming home to you after coming from her place? how long have the flirty text messages existed between them followed by an i love you text to you? do you know her? does she know about you? all you know and all you can fathom right now is that you want to kill him. you want to rip the dagger this news has sliced in your heart and stab him in the back with it. you have no words to say to him, yet all the words in the world right now. you want to call him every cuss word under the sun in hopes that hurting him with your words will somehow overpower the hurt in your heart. {by the way, it won’t.}
it’s a normal reaction to panic. it’s a normal reaction to cry. it’s a normal reaction to dial his number imprinted in your memory and yell and scream and sob with a million how could you’s and do you know how hurt i am’s. maybe he will feel bad and maybe he will say he’s sorry. he might ask for your forgiveness and try to explain and you might weaken down and accept the apology. yet months down the road, he might just do it again. and that’s a vicious cycle you don’t want to start.
the harsh reality is that he doesn’t truly love you. no one who loves someone they’re with will ever give up what they want most for what they wanted for a moment.
so what do you do? there are a million roads you can travel with a million more outcomes and at the end of the day, you can read this but not hear a word i’m saying. you can read this and decide your plan you’ve devised is better – and it might be. but i have a feeling you’ve been cheated on before and that’s why you clicked on this post as soon as you saw the title. so let’s start by dissecting. you’ll be happy to know there are only two steps here.
step 1: you could be breaking down inside and unraveling at the seams. you could have just cried mascara tears into your pillow 30 minutes prior, but dammit when he walks in your door to collect his stuff – his stupid t-shirts, his dumb cd’s, a couple random movies & a toothbrush – you don’t let him see any of that. it will be hard to be strong in front of someone you want to lay out on the floor and stomp on their face with your shoe. it will literally take everything you have, but do not cry in front of him. have a solemn face and normal tone. don’t raise your voice or tell him the cool thing that happened to you yesterday or chit chat about your day. he doesn’t care about your day, remember? he cheated on you. and when he leaves and the door shuts and his tailights have faded into nothing– that's when you let it out. you need to let it out because it’s healthy, but not one second while he’s there because you’re a strong woman and the woman a year down the road from that moment will thank you for that. trust me.
step 2: move on.
i know you didn’t want to read that. i know a part of you wanted me to tell you it’s okay he did this because you still love him. you want to forget the distrust and hurt and believe that it was a mistake and he will never again. and maybe he won’t ever again, but cheating is a choice and one choice too many.
he will expect you to try and find a way to get back at him. it’s human nature to expect consequences to result from an action. and when you don’t do that – when you see him out, you smile, nod, and move on with your night; when you see her, you don’t go rip her hair out – it’s noticeable. you’re exerting your time and energy into creating something that gives a damn about you and not into people who are waiting to exaggerate your next move. i heard a song once and you might know it. it went something like this.
everyone’s here; everyone’s here. everybody’s watching you now. everybody waits for you now. what happens next?... the tension is here between who are you and who you could be; between how it is and how it should be. i dare you to move like today never happened before. - switchfoot
people will remember you didn’t seek revenge and they will respect you for it – the old saying of an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind is so true here. he hurts you; you hurt him back, but what are you really accomplishing? if you really want to get back at someone, you don’t get back at them at all. don’t say a word and do something kick-ass with your life instead. create a movement in something that you’re passionate about because in this life, there is one thing that will always be greater than revenge:
and that’s absolute success.

follow me on twitter: @agcrute

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

this is your fairytale. tell it how you want.

i feel like i have always wanted my love story to be by the book and i wanted that fairytale to be told to you because the best stories are the ones which end in predictability and never a scar.
...but it didn’t turn out that way for me. i’ve loved and lost a few times in my life, some of the times more powerful than others, but all of them were love in completely different ways. i don’t have that fairytale of one person falling in love with me and staying in love with me all their life. i don’t have the fairytale of retelling romanticizing moments from years past and reminiscing of when we were so young and in love and have that lasting for a decade and counting. i don’t have any of that at all, but this journey is still my story. and looking back, i wouldn't have it unfold any other way.

i think the reason my fairytale hasn’t been by the book was for a million reasons, but the one i’d like to point out is so that i could share all this with you. had i experienced the perfect love story since the day one all this writing wouldn’t exist. i wouldn’t know any different and i would be sitting here writing to you that my story is the only true fairytale and love is defined by everlasting terms only. i would be writing about the time i was swept off my feet, whisked away by some gentleman who only would take me to extravagant dinners lost deep in a hut in a forest in ireland. and i would tell you to look for that guy because he will buy you diamonds and pearls and all things designer. sometimes you will have those over the top romances and you’ll get so lost in magic of it all. you won't have to work at it for it to work because it will always be easy and love at first sight and you'll never fight and you're just so dang perfect.
but sometimes, i think love is sitting at home on the couch, as a storm brews outside, eating grilled cheese sandwiches and spaghetti-o’s while watching titanic; cringing into his shoulder when the ship finally submerges into the water and having a breath holding contest between the two of you to see who would survive the plunge while rose & jack do the same thing on the tv. then fighting over who will have the last scoop of chocolate ice cream because chocolate is both of your favorite. these moments are just as special and just as important to your fairytale story. these moments will lead you to the last love; your favorite love of them all.
love is love, though. whether it is the magical entity of perfection because maybe that works for you. or whether your fairytale love has lasted since you were 8 years old swinging on a swing set; still not convinced if the boy beside you has cooties or not. or whether your love began in the 9th grade over learning how to kiss with braces, but graduation dreams and new cities lead you down different paths. or whether your story began in college and you two stayed intertwined, sometimes off; sometimes on, sometimes apart; sometimes back together because these years are the ones that change you the most. and change you the hardest. and change you the most dramatically into who you will be the rest of your life, yet your love made it and you two end up together because that was the one thing time and other people couldn’t fade. their attempts to rip the threads that mended you two together weren’t strong enough – the two of you found a way to be stronger. or maybe you didn't. maybe you had different dreams to pursue and deemed that more worthy. or maybe whether you’re still single at an age you never believed you would be, but happy because your fairytale right now is your life and your job and your friends and being able to afford to attend concerts or weekend getaways whenever you feel like it and you laugh now more than you ever did before; you’re just in love with life itself. or maybe whether your love started a few months ago. you finally were able to love again after swearing it off from failed attempts before and believing there was no such thing. no matter where you've been or where you're going, this is still your fairy tale.
love is love. did i say that already? i think that is one of my favorite quotes and it’s only 3 words long. love is love no matter how you view it or how many times you've been in it or how many times you've lost it or how many times it brought you back together with someone. love is not defined by a time stamp or certain matters of affection or distance. love knows no bounds. your story is your story no matter where it starts or where you choose to start it - no matter if it starts after 5 dates to prove he’s really into you or if it starts with a kiss the first night you met. your story can be whatever you want it to be.
stay in love forever or break up a million times or date a bunch of different guys - this is your fairytale. tell it how you want. but just know the absolute best part about it, is that it will never be anybody else’s.


follow me on twitter: @agcrute